14 April 2022

Spring Break 2022

Our school systems spring break always coincides with Easter and Easter falls later than usual this year (which I prefer so we have a warmer break time). Today we came back from our annual trip to Massanutten, VA. We brought along my 6 year old niece Scarlett. There is an indoor water park and a cool children's museum that we always visit but otherwise we just take it easy, hang out, go to restaurants and maybe do some shopping. This trip was a pretty big success. There was minimal drama with the kids, though my niece got sick out of nowhere after breakfast yesterday. She randomly threw up so I had her take it easy and lay down then she was totally fine with no issues. I was worried she had a stomach bug and we’d all get sick or she would have to miss out on the museum but we were lucky that wasn’t the case. Maybe it was acid reflux or something. The condo we stayed at was so spacious and nice. I was amazed we got all the things we got for about $160 a night. It was a two bed, two bath condo with a loft, balcony, fireplace, full kitchen, jacuzzi tub and sauna in it. We were tucked low in the mountains with a nice view of woods and saw a bunch of deer every day. The weather was gorgeous. Vanessa and I didn’t do the water park (she is so unpredictable and i didn’t want her to have a fit and us all the have to leave) but she took it surprisingly well when the others snuck out without us. She asked about where they went and Natalie told her before they left they were going to “work” for a bit but she didn’t cry or want to be included much. Kids are naturally stressful and draining so vacation is never really vacation with them but I would be so bored sitting around relaxing anyway. ;)  Oh, random update on potty training: Vanessa completely reverted to diapers again. 😩 We we’re doing sooo well and I thought we just needed to fine tune things a bit and it was over but nope. She came down with a stomach bug about a month or so ago and that’s when things went to shit (literally). She has since began making some progress again and even used the public bathrooms several times on vacation but there is still a lot of work to do and I’m worried this will just be a continuous struggle. 

24 February 2022

Potty Training

 I am totally gonna jinx this by posting about it but I realized I don't remember much details of potty training Natalie. She was 26 months old and she peed on the floor one day when she didn't have a diaper on while waiting for her bath. Matt told her she's supposed to pee in her diaper or on the potty and from there we had a pretty easy journey to get her out of diapers. I think we told her if she used the toilet ten times we would take her to the store and she could pick out a toy. It was either that or we told her if she pooped on the toilet we would get her the toy, I cannot remember. I do remember taking her to Target one night after she accomplished her goal. She picked out a lego duplo ambulance and a pack of live savors mints which she used to love eating at my mother in laws house. I don't recall how long it took her to be fully independent from the diaper, or when she started telling us she needed to go, or how often she had accidents (not much), or if we used pull ups (I don't think so) but I do know it was relatively quick and easy. 

Anyway, back to the purpose of this post: Vanessa potty training. We definitely didn't luck out like we did with Nat but we've taken a turn for the better. I started trying just before her second birth in June 2021. She was initially interested and I bought books and thought things would progress. She quickly decided she wanted nothing to do with it though and would decline sitting on the toilet, even when we would bribe her with a treat. She would get upset when we asked her, so I stopped. Matt would occasionally tell her not to use her diapers and she should use the toilet instead but she wasn't influenced. 

I don't recall how or why we started trying again but within the last three or four weeks things have taken off! (Knock on wood.) I started setting a timer every hour via Alexa and would sit her on her training toilet. Then I would reward her with a lollipop if she peed and a small gummy just for sitting. She would still frequently go in her diaper and wasn't bothered by it at all. Just two days ago she started telling us she needed to use the potty! I am so proud and excited and happy! I told her if she told me she had to use the toilet I would give her a star sticker and when she got to ten stickers she could go pick out a toy from the store. She earned ten stars yesterday but hasn't asked to go since so I am wondering if the appeal of asking is gone. I guess we'll see how today goes but I am crossing my fingers she doesn't regress and lose interest again. 

Overall though she has made so much progress and is such a sweet, silly, crazy child. She was lying in bed the other day and said to me, "snuggle me." I didn't understand her at first and thought she said "tickle me" but I asked her to repeat herself and my heart melted when she did. Last night after dinner at my father in laws house as she was saying goodbye she was like "thanks for dinner" without being prompted and it was so cute and sweet! I love this baby big girl as she calls herself! 

14 February 2022

Valentines 2022

 I’m sure I’ve mentioned before that Valentines Day is my favorite holiday but I’ll say it again! Vanities Day is my favorite holiday! I remember when I was probably five or six years old my mom had me choose between a box of chocolates or a white teddy bear as my valentines gift when we were at the grocery store and shockingly I chose the bear (I was super into sweets). Every year at least since we’ve had children of our own Matt and I take the day off from work (usually I’m not working since I only work part time) and get a sitter. We go to the movies, lunch, shopping, bowling, for long drives, or anything else we can think of that we actually feel like doing. Today we dropped Vana off at his moms house and headed to a mall we don’t usually go to. We walked around and found somewhere to eat. We had a nice meal (Matt really enjoyed the fish he got) and even though I was full I got a banana split afterwards. Then we came home, watched a show that we found out his coworkers son directed, exchange gifts and went to pick up the kids. Things are always kept simple but we have such a nice, fun time when we’re connecting without any responsibilities. Matt talked about how he dreams of the day when every day is this relaxing and we’re retired. Honestly thinking about the future terrifies me and find me with existential dread. There are so many things that can go wrong and so many awful things that can happen. What if one of us gets terminally ill or hit by a bus? I could list more horrible scenarios but that’s not the reason for this post. The reason is I want to remember this day and the love and happiness I feel. I’m so so so so grateful for this man and this life we’ve built. 

30 January 2022


In my summer recap post I said there was something I wanted to post about but didn't want to jinx so here it is (it really isn't exciting to anyone but myself, haha): I got a new job! I know, big whoop. But I worked for the same company for 13 years as a receptionist in a salon so this is a really big change for me. I am now working as an elderly caregiver at an assisted living facility, so it's a completely different world from answering phones and booking appointments (amongst other tasks). I got hired on the spot (which I like to think is because they thought I was amazing but I think it's because they're desperate for staff 😉) and started my hands on training in midish October. I do enjoy it but it is super demanding at times as I'm sure anyone in healthcare can vouch for. I am not really sure what this may lead to for me. Maybe (and probably) nothing much more. Now that I've dipped my toe in the medical field I don't think I want to pursue it full time or have any more responsibilities other than everything I do now. I definitely don't want to be a nurse. All you hear is how short staffed it is, how underpaid you are, how emotionally taxing it is, how grueling the hours are, and how mistreated you are. Plus how hard and expensive nursing school is. I also hear nurses are really really awful to each other. No fucking thanks. I do very much enjoy taking care of other people though. The reason I left the salon after so much time being a dedicated employee is because of some unnecessary mistreatment towards my sister (who also worked there and also quit). Long story short there was blatant (and completely unjustified) favoritism from my boss to a new receptionist who was HORRIBLE. Things with the awful woman came to light very shortly after we left, which gives me a bit of satisfaction (just being honest). I was nervous and it was kind of hard to decide to quit (only because I didn't think I could find somewhere to give me the hours I wanted but I did) but at the same time I knew I couldn't put up with the toxicity and drama there anymore. I feel like a great weight was lifted. For the past almost 11 years I really haven't had anything exciting that belonged just to me, so changing career paths is exciting!

06 December 2021


 Two days ago my first baby turned ten years old! Hard to believe I’ve been a mama for a decade now, wow. We celebrated with family and her best friend. We had a party at my father in laws house and the theme was winter wonderland. It was a cute party. Natalie of course had to bring some drama and get into a minor quarrel with her cousin Bobby. The next day Matt took her to Dave and Busters with my sisters boyfriend and two of his kids while I worked. Natalie is happy to be back in school (for now) but of course there is always a bit of drama with other girls. I seriously dread middle and high school, ugh. For now I am enjoying her still being (mostly) innocent as a 10 year old! 

08 September 2021

Summer Recap

 Wow, time just keeps ticking away! I haven't updated about several big things, like a visit with my grandma and uncle, a family reunion and amusement park trip, the first day of school, and more! 

So over the summer in July my 87-year-old grandma and uncle drove out from Colorado to visit for my mom's birthday. They stayed about a week and we visited every other day. It was Vanessa's first time meeting them and Natalie's first time in about four years. It is challenging to talk to my grandma because she is severely hearing impaired. She used to wear a hearing aid but years ago someone broke into her house at gunpoint and robbed her and for some reason took the hearing aid. I believe she accused her nephew of being in on the robbery and then her sister got really angry and there's been bad blood since. (The nephew may have even done jail time for the crime, I honestly don't know all the details.) You literally have to yell at her a foot away and she still doesn't seem to hear you sometimes. My uncle is a chatty guy but a bit...not so politically correct. He even insulted my weight (mind you, he is a very large guy), which upset me a bit. Anyway, we had a big family dinner and my grandma got to meet all 10 of her great-grandchildren. The evening before she left I also gave her an engraved, personalized photo album with lots of photos I took during their visit. She actually cried, and so did I.  I am so glad she got to meet both my children. Vanessa was so sweet and hugged a lot and made my grandma laugh. It's a bit morbid but that may be the last time I see her again. I'm glad it was a good visit. 

A couple of weeks after that, we had a family reunion on Matt's side of the family up in Pennsylvania. It was roughly a 4-hour drive up which I was nervous about with Little Miss High Maintenance. She did surprisingly well, however. It helped my mother in law rented a minivan and sat next to her the whole ride. We spent a couple of days up there and had a good time! The amusement park is at the bottom of the Appalachian mountains with a stream that cuts through it and a good amount of trees. Natalie had a blast riding roller coasters over and over and over again with her cousins and dad. Luckily my father-in-law took Vanessa and I back to the hotel when we had had enough because Matt and Natalie stayed ALL day. In addition to the park, we took a tour through the small town my in-laws are from and visited family cemeteries and old houses. Matt and I have talked about visiting the amusement park he frequented as a child for years and years (before we even had kids) so I am glad to mark it off the bucket list! 

And now on to Natalie's return to the classroom full time for the first time in 17 months! She started on August 24th which is much earlier than ever before. It should have been September 7th but there was some change in VA law that required kids to start school before Labor Day in the dead heat of the disgusting summer. Anyway, she was so happy the first couple of weeks back but I think she is starting to get depressed/bummed again. There are a lot of challenging kids it sounds like and some mean girl bullshit and cliqueyness going on. The kids sound very obnoxious to me and I don't blame her for mostly keeping to herself, TBH. I feel like this is going to jinx it but she has been getting up at 6 am, taking a shower, having breakfast, and then going to the playground before school even starts! It is a total change from the girl who could barely get up in the morning for an 8 am Zoom day. I just want her to enjoy school and be happy. I fucking dread the drama that comes with girls though. She already doesn't have many friends because she just doesn't vibe with them and there have been some minor issues with things like exclusion and gossip. Ugh. I will admit that since covid, I have been very uninterested in anything the school says or does. I am actually quite bitter towards the school and community because I feel no one was there for us in a darker chapter of our lives. And the question could be posed to me, "who did YOU help or support through the virus and all the bullshit it brought about?" and the answer would be pretty much no one because no one reached out to me. We would try and contact neighbors and people we thought were Natalie's friends and we always got the cold shoulder. It had nothing to do with safety either, as they were socializing with other families and were not keeping a "bubble" of people. I can't wait for her to be done with the school she is at and move on to a bigger school that hopefully presents more opportunities for actual friendships. 

Anyway, there is something else I am not going to update on yet because it feels like bad luck to at this point. (I am not pregnant.)

15 July 2021


 I cannot believe I kept forgetting to post about my baby turning 2! Her and her father celebrated their birthdays together with Matt’s  parents and of course Natalie and I. I just did not have it in me to try and do a big party so I kept things simple with pizza and cake plus of course presents with a very small guest list.

Potty training has gone down the toilet. She did it a few times but since refuses. I knew it was too good to be true. Her vocabulary and speech is really taking off, however. She has said four word sentence fragments like “chip way pap-pap house” for “chipmunk ran away from pap-paps house.” It’s now isn’t uncommon for her to say two word sentences like “mama hand” “mama help” and such. She also seems to be doing a bit more nonsensical babbling from time to time.

Her personality is so sweet and friendly. She does have a good amount of tantrums and meltdowns randomly when she is in capable of doing some thing she wants like climbing somewhere high at the playground or something along those lines. 

I just love this little girl though, handful she is. 

02 June 2021


 So I am not sure if I updated on Vanessa and how she has finally started putting two word sentences together! The first time she really did it was on Mother’s Day when Natalie was leaving the car and she said bye-bye Nanny. It very slowly began to progress a few weeks later and she started saying up mama. Then she started saying blue chip for salt and vinegar chips, hello mama, hello daddy, hello Nanny, and yellow hat. She is getting good at saying the color of a car and then the word car like blue car and such. We had the evaluation for speech therapy eligibility and they said she was very borderline so it was up to me if I wanted to proceed. Of course if I can get her further ahead and teach her skills and expand her vocabulary why wouldn’t I do it? I know and that his mom don’t think she needs it and I do believe she will catch up in a matter of time. Again I just don’t see why we shouldn’t do it and if we don’t do it how far behind would she fall? We really don’t know.

Last night she made me super proud and sat down on her little potty and peed! I had her sit on it this morning as well and she peed and then later today she showed signs that she was going to start pooping (she was starting to hide in the corner) so I told her if she pooped on the potty she would get a treat. She happily agreed and sat there watching Curious George. For a good amount of time I did not think she was going to actually do it because she wasn’t squeezing in her eyes were watering but low and behold it she did it! I was so happy and proud! We both totally forgot about the treat I offered her which is kind of good because I don’t actually know how I feel about bribing kids to use the bathroom. I was not intending to potty train until she gets more verbal but now that she has shown an interest and ability to do it I guess consistency is key. I have a feeling she will be over the novelty of using the big girl potty pretty quickly though. I also think she lacks the ability to understand when she has to go and that she has to communicate to us before she goes. I also fear putting too much pressure on her to use the potty and her resisting and not wanting to do it. I just foresee her being a challenging one to get potty trained.

Speaking of challenging, she has woken up two nights in a row completely inconsolable. It has been rough. It takes her about an hour to go back to sleep and if I move the wrong way or am not rocking her she will wake up and start crying all over again. It could be teething or growing pains or who knows. It is a lot and I hope she sleeps okay tonight or at least the nights when I have to work the next day. I tend to her through the night (poor Matt is being disturbed by her crying and he tries to help too but she doesn’t want him then) but I am lucky enough I get to nap when she does.

Whew okay enough updates for now. 

28 May 2021

10 Years Married!

 Wow, today makes an entire decade of being married to my love! I read something that went, "don't brag about being in a relationship for 10 years when you've been crying for nine of them," or something like that. I can say even though tears have been shed through the years there have been far more happy times than not. I don't have any sound advice or enlightening wisdom on how to make a relationship successful. I feel like I hit the love jackpot my first time playing. Matt makes thing so easy and effortless (most days). I wish I could say I always do the same but I am a work in progress. I can be a total hormonal bitch and I hate it. I have come a long way from some of my not so pleasant ways though and for that I am proud.

Okay, enough about me being a less than perfect wife. 

Man, 10 years. In some ways it feel like a huge chunk of time, in others it's just a drop in the bucket (if we're lucky and don't die soon, haha). Time is so strange and hard to grasp. I am really grateful to have made it to this milestone. I looked back at photos and the video from our wedding day and it felt like another lifetime. In all honesty I did not want to have a wedding. I hated the idea of so much attention on myself, my family, my love life. I was young and not full of confidence the way I am today. I was a little insecure about my looks, mostly my teeth, which is why I am barely smiling in any of my photos. I had actually just began the process of getting Invisalign before my wedding and my teeth were pretty crooked. You can't tell from far away or in certain angles/lights but you mostly can't tell because I kept my mouth closed all the time. I felt so awkward about walking down the aisle too. So much so that I tried my best to convince Matt is was an unnecessary formality. I brainstormed ideas like just walking out from the side of the venue real casually at meeting at the altar on the low. Eloping would have been way more my style but Matt wanted a traditional day and I did too in a way. Just minus all the people gawking at me at one of the most vulnerable moments of my life. It was like public speaking times 100 and the speech I had to give was declaring my deepest thoughts and feelings for the man I love. It honestly is an intense thing to do. I was also so worried about how people perceived me and if I was being awkward or if my family was going to do something embarrassing. I know these aren't pleasant things to admit but it's true and I am so so very different today. Sure, it still isn't my style to have all eyes on me and it would be a little uncomfortable to be super mushy in front of 85 or so people but the things that stressed me out then probably wouldn't be such a huge deal. (Maybe I only say that because I've been down the aisle and know what to expect but I think I have just gotten more confident and comfortable in my own skin.) 

Today we celebrated with a lunch and bowling date, then a family dinner with both our sets of parents. Lately I’ve been trying to spend more time with my parents and better our relationship while they’re still here. It was a great day and I’m sad it’s over. Happy 10 years!!