15 July 2021


 I cannot believe I kept forgetting to post about my baby turning 2! Her and her father celebrated their birthdays together with Matt’s  parents and of course Natalie and I. I just did not have it in me to try and do a big party so I kept things simple with pizza and cake plus of course presents with a very small guest list.

Potty training has gone down the toilet. She did it a few times but since refuses. I knew it was too good to be true. Her vocabulary and speech is really taking off, however. She has said four word sentence fragments like “chip way pap-pap house” for “chipmunk ran away from pap-paps house.” It’s now isn’t uncommon for her to say two word sentences like “mama hand” “mama help” and such. She also seems to be doing a bit more nonsensical babbling from time to time.

Her personality is so sweet and friendly. She does have a good amount of tantrums and meltdowns randomly when she is in capable of doing some thing she wants like climbing somewhere high at the playground or something along those lines. 

I just love this little girl though, handful she is. 

02 June 2021


 So I am not sure if I updated on Vanessa and how she has finally started putting two word sentences together! The first time she really did it was on Mother’s Day when Natalie was leaving the car and she said bye-bye Nanny. It very slowly began to progress a few weeks later and she started saying up mama. Then she started saying blue chip for salt and vinegar chips, hello mama, hello daddy, hello Nanny, and yellow hat. She is getting good at saying the color of a car and then the word car like blue car and such. We had the evaluation for speech therapy eligibility and they said she was very borderline so it was up to me if I wanted to proceed. Of course if I can get her further ahead and teach her skills and expand her vocabulary why wouldn’t I do it? I know and that his mom don’t think she needs it and I do believe she will catch up in a matter of time. Again I just don’t see why we shouldn’t do it and if we don’t do it how far behind would she fall? We really don’t know.

Last night she made me super proud and sat down on her little potty and peed! I had her sit on it this morning as well and she peed and then later today she showed signs that she was going to start pooping (she was starting to hide in the corner) so I told her if she pooped on the potty she would get a treat. She happily agreed and sat there watching Curious George. For a good amount of time I did not think she was going to actually do it because she wasn’t squeezing in her eyes were watering but low and behold it she did it! I was so happy and proud! We both totally forgot about the treat I offered her which is kind of good because I don’t actually know how I feel about bribing kids to use the bathroom. I was not intending to potty train until she gets more verbal but now that she has shown an interest and ability to do it I guess consistency is key. I have a feeling she will be over the novelty of using the big girl potty pretty quickly though. I also think she lacks the ability to understand when she has to go and that she has to communicate to us before she goes. I also fear putting too much pressure on her to use the potty and her resisting and not wanting to do it. I just foresee her being a challenging one to get potty trained.

Speaking of challenging, she has woken up two nights in a row completely inconsolable. It has been rough. It takes her about an hour to go back to sleep and if I move the wrong way or am not rocking her she will wake up and start crying all over again. It could be teething or growing pains or who knows. It is a lot and I hope she sleeps okay tonight or at least the nights when I have to work the next day. I tend to her through the night (poor Matt is being disturbed by her crying and he tries to help too but she doesn’t want him then) but I am lucky enough I get to nap when she does.

Whew okay enough updates for now. 

28 May 2021

10 Years Married!

 Wow, today makes an entire decade of being married to my love! I read something that went, "don't brag about being in a relationship for 10 years when you've been crying for nine of them," or something like that. I can say even though tears have been shed through the years there have been far more happy times than not. I don't have any sound advice or enlightening wisdom on how to make a relationship successful. I feel like I hit the love jackpot my first time playing. Matt makes thing so easy and effortless (most days). I wish I could say I always do the same but I am a work in progress. I can be a total hormonal bitch and I hate it. I have come a long way from some of my not so pleasant ways though and for that I am proud.

Okay, enough about me being a less than perfect wife. 

Man, 10 years. In some ways it feel like a huge chunk of time, in others it's just a drop in the bucket (if we're lucky and don't die soon, haha). Time is so strange and hard to grasp. I am really grateful to have made it to this milestone. I looked back at photos and the video from our wedding day and it felt like another lifetime. In all honesty I did not want to have a wedding. I hated the idea of so much attention on myself, my family, my love life. I was young and not full of confidence the way I am today. I was a little insecure about my looks, mostly my teeth, which is why I am barely smiling in any of my photos. I had actually just began the process of getting Invisalign before my wedding and my teeth were pretty crooked. You can't tell from far away or in certain angles/lights but you mostly can't tell because I kept my mouth closed all the time. I felt so awkward about walking down the aisle too. So much so that I tried my best to convince Matt is was an unnecessary formality. I brainstormed ideas like just walking out from the side of the venue real casually at meeting at the altar on the low. Eloping would have been way more my style but Matt wanted a traditional day and I did too in a way. Just minus all the people gawking at me at one of the most vulnerable moments of my life. It was like public speaking times 100 and the speech I had to give was declaring my deepest thoughts and feelings for the man I love. It honestly is an intense thing to do. I was also so worried about how people perceived me and if I was being awkward or if my family was going to do something embarrassing. I know these aren't pleasant things to admit but it's true and I am so so very different today. Sure, it still isn't my style to have all eyes on me and it would be a little uncomfortable to be super mushy in front of 85 or so people but the things that stressed me out then probably wouldn't be such a huge deal. (Maybe I only say that because I've been down the aisle and know what to expect but I think I have just gotten more confident and comfortable in my own skin.) 

Today we celebrated with a lunch and bowling date, then a family dinner with both our sets of parents. Lately I’ve been trying to spend more time with my parents and better our relationship while they’re still here. It was a great day and I’m sad it’s over. Happy 10 years!!

13 May 2021

Mother's Day 2021

I still reminisce about my first Mother's Day (and I've brought it up several times on this blog). Matt did such a good job making me feel special and it was so neat to celebrate the holiday as a mama. He planned and execute a perfect day to make me feel special and loved. I don't remember every single detail like how the day began but I do remember he gifted me a personalized frame and personalized robe, took Natalie and I to the spot we got married and did a photoshoot of her and I and got a couple really great shots. He then (and this is the part that really sticks with me because he does NOT cook) cooked me a steak and lobster dinner complete with melted butter and a baked potato! I am so serious, I think that was the last time he ever cooked a real meal (not a frozen pizza). I know I should say since I have more children that subsequent Mother's Days topped that was but that was my favorite Mother's Day. That doesn't mean I appreciate the holiday less or anything, it was my first and such a great one emotionally for me and holds a dear spot in my heart forever. There have been Mother's Days where I was disappointed and cried (mostly because pregnancy hormones) and ones that were a bit unremarkable (god I really am sounding like an ungrateful shrew) but I savor being a mom almost every single day. I know even when I feel like my efforts go unnoticed or unappreciated that I doing a great job. Some times I question my parenting because there is no handbook and the hardest part about being a mom is just not knowing what the right call is. Do you ground your child for sassing you and using a negative tone of voice for the 100th time today? How lenient or strict should you be? That is my biggest dilemma. Oh and then there are the very unique things to ponder like am I going to send my daughter to virtual summer school and know she will complain and be miserable for three hours a day for a month and probably slack off and not learn shit or should I just let her openly slack off at home and not do it? Life is a trip, man. 

So this Mother's Day was very busy. We planned a beach trip to enjoy before peak season so we could stay right on the beach with a nice view at an affordable price. First we had breakfast with my mom, then a quick visit with Matt's mom before hitting the road and running into traffic. We decided to pull over for lunch and found a frozen yogurt place for dessert. They were offering a free yogurt for moms so we had to do it. ;) (I actually used to not like sweets for a long time but when I stopped drinking alcohol a couple of years ago my sweet tooth kicked in.)

We drove with a fairly cranky, non napped Vanessa but she did good for a tired child confined to a car on a long ride. We made it to our hotel, chilled, I took the girls down to the cold beach where they both loved getting their feet wet in the waves. It was windy and chilly but our feet got used to the water (or just became numb, who knows). We ordered pizza and then I put Vanessa to bed and went to bed shortly after that while Matt and Natalie hung out. The next morning we went to Walmart to get some grub. It started raining and we were trying to figure out what to do to keep us entertained since I foolishly didn't book a hotel with an indoor pool. We went to lunch then to a playground since the weather cleared up. Then we went down to the beach again and splashed in the waves. Then we went out to dinner at a place with a playground, back to the room, Vanessa bed and then we played Clue and had popcorn and junk. Our final morning we (the girls and I, Matt really doesn't like the beach) went to the beach again. This was the warmest and sunniest day (go figure) and it was really great. Natalie collected seashells and we walked along the beach in the waves. We saw dolphins and whales and Natalie says she saw and petted a baby seaturtle! It's funny, I remember when Natalie was 9 months old and we took her first beach trip. There was a young girl who was 10 years old and she was there without a parent. I remember her sitting and talking with us and I kept looking around to see who she was with or if someone was watching from a hotel balcony. I was just astonished she was there solo. I actually left Natalie alone on the beach for maybe 10-15 minutes a couple of times because Vanessa was wet and cold and Nat wasn't ready to leave. Our hotel was right on the beach with an ocean view and I trusted Natalie to not go far enough into the water where she could get swept away. My how times have changed for me! I never would have imagined giving her that much freedom at such a young age a couple years ago. 

Anyway, I definitely had a good Mother's Day. I have made it my mission to better my relationship with both my parents and to take more photos of/with them while I'm lucky enough they're here.

23 March 2021

21 Months

 I know 21 months is a bit of an odd age to be doing an update for. Just like 19 months was. But I find it challenging to actually get on here and put my thoughts together and talk about life lately. For the last year I have slowly changed. I can’t quite pinpoint what it is, it’s like I just don’t give a fuck about anything. Not like my family or hygiene or anything like that. I’m not in too deep of a funk. I just feel really blah and like I don’t care about what anyone thinks or about anyone besides my family. It has its ups and downs. For a while I was super grumpy and just the sight of other people made me annoyed. Taking Vanessa to the playground would be stressful because I usually get overwhelmed with crowds and other people suck at watching their own children. It makes me nervous that older kids are going to knock her over or hurt her in someway. She also has been a bit of a challenge and tends to have meltdowns over seemingly nothing. I am a bit concerned about a speech delay in her. She tries to say just about any word we ask her to but only says maybe 30 words that are clear. She doesn’t put two words together yet either, another huge concern at her age. She does understand so much of what we say though and will follow directions and try to communicate, so I’m not super super worried. She has also been hitting me and laughing about it despite me sternly telling her no repeatedly. I guess she thinks it’s a game or just lacks the understanding that it isn’t okay, something else that concerns me a bit. Sleep wise she is still waking up several times a night, though I think she might be going longer stretches. She knows her colors really really well. She can recognize some letters too. She has counted to 3 by herself before. 

Natalie isn’t doing great. She is not back at school and virtual learning is a daily struggle. She just doesn’t want to do it. I have a feeling it’s not just the virtual aspect of it, I think she’d be giving us hell if she had to go into the building too. She just wants to play and do what she wants all day, who doesn’t? It isn’t just school that’s the problem though, we are met with sighs and huffs and puffs and a whiny attitude no matter what we ask of her. We did start doing a “book club” where we read together most nights. She doesn’t like reading despite being a good reader and I thought this would be a good way to entice her to do so. She seldom actually agrees to read from our books though unless I tell her I’m finished and too tired to. I do it at bedtime because she’ll do anything to put off sleeping and I knew that would be a good way to get her interested in books, even if it is mostly reading to her. There’s still a great benefit to being read to and she is learning new words and opening her mind up to new stories. It’s been a great bonding experience for us as well. The first book we read called So B. It was made into a movie many years after being published. We watched the movie for our “movie night” a couple weeks ago (after finishing the book) so that was neat to see how the two differ. 

Overall things are fine. They could always always be worse so I try not to bitch and moan too much. I’ll so lucky to have my children and husband and health and house and so so much more.

31 January 2021

Snow Joy

 Today we got our first decent amount of snow in a couple of years. Both girls had a great time sledding down the hill in our front yard!

23 January 2021

19 Months

 Man, time keeps getting away from me. I tell myself month after month I'll write a post on Vana but just never feel like. There are so many cute and sweet and funny things she does that I know I just have to document what I can before it slips my memory forever. 

And being honest I feel like my brain is slowly deteriorating. My memory just is not as sharp as it used to be and sometimes I fumble with my words and sound like an idiot when talking. 

Vanessa is a big, healthy, happy girl. She is in the 99th percentile for height and weight. 29 lbs 15 oz and 34.5 inches at her 18 month check up 12/29/20. She still doesn't sleep though the night (and the sky is blue) and usually takes 1 nap a day for 1.5 hoursish. Sometimes she amazes me with how long she can abstain from sleep. She'll go to bed late, wake up early and then not nap the whole day. I know Natalie was just shy of 2 years old when she stopped napping so we'll see if V gives them up soon. 

Vanessa is so lovey and cuddly. She is so good and cooperative. When she needs a new diaper she will ask (after pooping only) and then lay down on the floor for us to change her. When it's time to nap or go to bed she willingly goes upstairs and sometimes even says nap although it isn't super clear. She is a great communicator even though her vocabulary isn't very broad or clear. She understands what we say and makes herself fairly clear most the time. 

She loves to dig. In the sand, in dirt, in rocks, in mulch. 

She loves to get cozy with a blanket and pillow. 

She loves putting on everyone else's shoes and trying to walk (something my niece Bridget used to do). 

She loves Little Baby Bum and Curious George.

She will ask for items by color. Like she says yellow when she wants to watch Curious George and will say blue for a snack in a blue bag and such. 

She knows most major colors though sometimes gets certain ones confused. She knows red, orange, yellow, green, blue, purple, pink and black. 

She loves teddy bears and kitty cats. Particularly one pink teddy bear at home and one brown one at my MIL's house. 

She has an Eagle's hat she enjoys wearing. Something my FIL gave to her. 

She loves to color and is pretty good about keeping it on paper. She has gotten crayon on the walls and rug.

She loves playing in the sink/water. Sometimes she will dump a bowl of water out of the sink and that's when play time is over. 

When she does something she isn't supposed to she will put her hands over her face and close her eyes. 

She is just so sweet and perfect!!! 

22 January 2021

A Better America

 Happy New Year!...(?) We didn't even last a week into a fresh start on the calendar before a disastrous shitstorm hit. This time it was an attempted overthrow of the U.S. government because Trump supporters (aka a fucking cult) are FURIOUS that Trump lost the presidential election. Instead of accepting the absolute truth based on what we the people voted for, they let Trump feed them lie after baseless lie. And they ate that shit up. So they attacked the capitol building while congress was certifying Joe Biden as president. They stormed in there with zip ties and weapons and even murdered a police officer. One woman was shot and killed by authorities for trying to break into the last chamber where the politicians were secured. Of course people dare to compare the failed coup to protests and riots over the summer over racial injustices but that's just because those doing the comparing are right winged racist dickheads. 

Anyway, it feels like a great weight has been lifted. I am probably being dramatic in saying this but it feels like a 4 year war has ended. Of course our problems aren't going to go away just because Joe Biden is now (thankfully) president. But not having in power a hot headed, bigoted, sexist, racist, xenophobic shit stirrer riling up his neo Nazi fans is a great step in the right direction.    

Another great step in the right direction: we have our first female vice president! I am so glad Natalie is old enough to understand this historical event (and omg have we been living through some historical events lately). It will be crazy to see how things change and progress by the time Vana is old enough to understand!

Here's to a better, brighter America!

04 December 2020


 Nine years ago today I gave birth to my first baby. It was early on a Sunday morning when I went into labor, totally in denial. My sister drove me to the hospital and took the longest route possible as I wallowed in agony from contractions. 3 hours later I was holding my beautiful girl. I remember how warm her little body was as they laid her on me for the first time. 

I also remember for the longest time people talking about the pros and cons of having a child of a certain gender. They'd always talk about how girls are so much "drama" and I would just think "kids are kids" but now I understand why they said that. Girls are sensitive and complex and yes, dramatic. If Natalie plays with her friends there is always a freaking conflict anymore. If her cousin Bridget comes over it's emotional overload if they don't agree with something I say. I try to talk to them to figure out why they're so upset but it's just "leave me alone" (mostly from Bridget who's 11) or an inaudible tearfest. I am not much better and get easily annoyed, often just snapping at them and saying something that only upsets them more. I wonder how much easier boys are. Are they less emotionally complicated? I kinda gotta think so, at least most the time. 

But I love having two daughters. I miss so badly when she was a toddler though. It often feels like she is turning more and more into a tween with a crappy attitude. Maybe it's learned behavior from me or maybe personality traits are inherited or maybe I've just done a shitty job or maybe it's just who she is. I hope so much it's just a phase. 

Happy birthday Natalie. 

01 November 2020

Trick or Treat (From 6 Feet)

 Yesterday we celebrated Halloween 2020 style and it was awesome! I genuinely expected it to be a depressing experience with little candy but my neighbors made it special. I didn't have much of a plan, just to go to my in laws and stop at anyone who was obviously giving candy out. I was pleasantly surprised at how many people participated.Everyone had goody bags, tables of candy, bowls with sanitizer, or candy chutes to drop candy from. There were still people out and about but way way less people and I think that was the real treat for me. No crowds, no wait time, it was mostly self serve grab and go. It was fun to see how creative people got with the distribution too. There were lots of PVC pipes as slides and a few pulley systems. Someone even used a leave blower to shoot the candy down their pipe. One house used a spider pulley and hooked candy bags onto the legs then lowered it down. Natalie had fun running around the neighborhood with me while Matt and Vanessa visited with his parents at their houses. Our costumes this year were pretty cute too. I had the idea to dress Vana as an old lady but wanted to do a group thing. Natalie came up with Vanessa being the granny from Little Red Riding Hood, so I went as Red and Natalie as The Big Bad Wolf. Vana made such a cute Granny. 

2020 Halloween was the best! I hope a new tradition has been born and people leave candy out/come up with creative ways to pass it out so we can avoid each other on Halloween from now on! 

13 October 2020

Charm City

 This holiday weekend we took a little trip to Baltimore, MD. We always go to the beach or mountains for vacation so I thought it would be fun to switch things up and venture into the city to explore and risk getting mugged or shanked. It was fun and I loved the new scenery. The hotel we stayed at was in a great location, close to the harbor and had a Starbucks and CVS (drugstore) right there which was helpful. There was a heated indoor pool (a couple of them, actually) so I took the girls swimming in the morning because their fitness center closed at 1pm as a precaution for COVID (you know, so people don't catch that afternoon coronavirus or something...). 

Our first stop in the city was to a cemetery that we heard about from a book Natalie got at a book fair a few years ago called, "Worlds Scariest Places." The story is that there once was a boy who was killed and his ghost haunts the cemetery. If you hear his scream you won't be able to get it out of your head and will go insane. It is the same cemetery that Edgar Allen Poe is buried at. That was a cool surprise because I had no idea going in that he and his wife were laid to rest there.

After the graveyard we checked into our hotel, chilled and enjoyed the view then walked around the corner to grab some food from a place called Fiesta Taco or something. Their food was not that great tbh. It wasn't that bad either but very meh. We just relaxed (as much as you can relax with a high maintenance toddler), Natalie watched tv til late and then went to bed. 


In the morning I took the girls downstairs to grab our complimentary breakfast and then we went to the pool. After the pool I laid Vanessa down for a nap, Matt picked up pizza from Whole Foods and then around 2:30 we logged into a Zoom call for his aunts 60th birthday. It was nice seeing family on screen for a bit. After the call we walked down to the National Aquarium to make our 3:30 timed tickets. We saw lots of interesting things but as always the dolphins were by far the best part. They don't do dolphin shows anymore but the trainers were in there feeding them and had the dolphins do some flips and such. Natalie really enjoyed it. Vanessa was a bit of a challenge as always but we survived (without a stroller too since they're not allowed in). It was raining when we left which was a big bummer but didn't deter me. We walked over to a candy store my coworker told me about called Its Sugar. I let Natalie get a partial bag of goodies (it was fill your own and candy by the pound is expensive) and Vana even got her first lollipop. A worker there asked if she could have it and I don't turn down free, goddamnit. We then picked up some food from Shake Shack (spicy chicken sandwich is my new crack) and scurried back to the hotel as it was still raining and windy. We were exhausted and hungry and ate our food, chilled and went to bed.

The final morning (Monday) I treated the girls to Starbucks (coffee free frap for Nat and a fruit/egg/cheese box fo V), took them to the pool, packed up, took a very short stroll to the water to look at boats and absorb our surroundings one last time and then hit the road back home. Overall it was a pretty successful trip with zero issues, lots of family time and a nice change of pace.