2022

Here we are on another New Years' Eve. I am feeling grateful to be entering another new year but as usual thinking about the future always gives me some sense of anxiety. I think about all the bad in the world, all the people who didn't think today would be their last day on earth but it was. I think of the potential bad things that could happen to my loved ones or me. I don't know why I'm so glum, I guess I'm just afraid. 

This year has been another great one filled with wonderful memories. Time sure does go by faster and faster every year, I swear. I changed career paths again this fall. I left my job working as a caretaker for the elderly and began working with children at a church on Sundays. I help run the nursery and take care of kids 0-4 years old. I also started working at Kindercare and have done a ton of work helping open a brand-new center. I was offered a position at a local preschool as an assistant teacher that I am supposed to start Jan 4th but I haven't heard much from them since I accepted the offer. I would be making more money and working more hours. I don't know how I am going to balance being a mom and working more and frankly, I don't feel excited about starting, only because I know how disappointing it will likely end up being. I know I shouldn't complain and should be grateful to have a job but I just feel eh. 

Natalie turned 11 and I am grateful to celebrate another year with her. She's very into sports and is doing soccer, swim, cheer and basketball. She loved watching the world cup and is a huge Ronaldo fan. I got her and Matt tickets for Christmas to see the Wizards in January and she was so happy she cried. We had a good Christmas Eve with Matt's family and of course, the girl's got a ton of gifts. Christmas day was lowkey with my parents. 

I found out today my dad's mom passed away last night. I haven't allowed myself to feel or think too deeply about it. I teared up when I told Natalie and cried a bit randomly when I was alone. I haven't seen my grandma since my wedding in 2011 and I wasn't close to her but I have fond memories from my childhood of her. 

Anyway, despite the tone of this post, I am wishing you a happy new year! I hope you all have a great year ahead filled with love and joy. Take care. 

First Day of Preschool

 I never imagined sending my sweet tot off to preschool for several reasons, financial and personal. Several months ago I made the decision to do it because she is so interested in other kids and being included. We found a co-op (meaning they rely on parents to volunteer to keep the school running so tuition is much lower than an average school) that we can barely afford. After months of her having separation anxiety and me dreading the day it finally came and went and I am so proud! I 100% was waiting for them to call me because she was inconsolable but she lasted the full 3 hours. I actually didn’t expect to do drop off without tears (from me and her) but we accomplished that too!  I think my saving grace was that she had a friend who’s in an older class that she got to play with on the playground when I was leaving. Her teacher said she did get upset during their bathroom break but that didn’t last. I do think Vanessa has mixed feelings and I am not sure how the next time will go, honestly. For now I’m proud and dumbstruck. I hope it wasn’t too much for her and she wasn’t distressed and suppressing her feelings. I do think it would be enriching for her to continue to go but at the same time I’m relieved it’s not mandatory. 

Three

 Three years ago today I brought my amazing youngest daughter into the world, on my husbands birthday. Whew life sure has been busy since and I sincerely wouldn’t change a thing. Vanessa is an insane, silly, funny, sensitive, affectionate little girl who is crazy adorable. She’s super social and wants to be in the heart of whatever game is going on at the playground. She gets disheartened easily though if we can’t understand her, or someone doesn’t want to play. When she’s upset she has moderate breakdowns that can sometimes be hard to console. My best tactic is just riding it out and waiting until she’s distracted and forgets about it. If I try to talk things out and empathize she only gets more upset and will tell me to stop talking or she just cries even harder. Daily life can be tough and the biggest hurdle is communication. She’s definitely gotten good at sentences and saying things but I don’t think she’s on par exactly where her peers are. Medically she wouldn’t be categorized as behind or anything but all her friends her age are saying bigger sentences and I can have legit conversations with them. She doesn’t say a lot and her speech isn’t as clear. She still acts silly and speaks gibberish frequently, especially if you ask her a question. Her favorite is “goopey” whatever that means. She finds potty talk humorous and we have to tell her all the time that’s private stuff we don’t just say unless you’re saying you have to go or something along those lines. She is so sweet and cuddly and loveable. The other day she found a bouquet of artificial tulips in the basement and was like “I take these to the park?” I said she could and she goes “Margaret gonna love them.” Turns out she wanted to give the flowers to her best friend. We agreed on bringing one flower for the friend and one for her but her friend wasn’t at the playground and I think Vanessa got sad about that because she got pouty and asked to leave shortly after we arrived. She loves a hand me down stuffed cat from my childhood and one from my niece Bridget’s too. She plays with them every day and it makes me so happy to see her cherish something from when I was a little girl. I hope she always likes the toy but I’m sure she will outgrow it. I have a fear of it getting lost someday. She named the cat from my niece Minnie Meow and I think that’s very clever. Today we had a party for her at the playground where her best buds all showed up. My mother and father in law also came so she was quite happy. The party turned out well though it could have been better organized on my part. It was planned for 10 am but it started raining so I pushed it to noon. Everything was wet and it was a little cool but it worked out well anyway. I played music but the batteries in the speaker died shortly in. I had some sandwiches catered from the grocery deli and gave out pbjs to the kids. Later my twin nieces came over and we had pizza, cake and presents. It was a good day.

Spring Break 2022

Our school systems spring break always coincides with Easter and Easter falls later than usual this year (which I prefer so we have a warmer break time). Today we came back from our annual trip to Massanutten, VA. We brought along my 6 year old niece Scarlett. There is an indoor water park and a cool children's museum that we always visit but otherwise we just take it easy, hang out, go to restaurants and maybe do some shopping. This trip was a pretty big success. There was minimal drama with the kids, though my niece got sick out of nowhere after breakfast yesterday. She randomly threw up so I had her take it easy and lay down then she was totally fine with no issues. I was worried she had a stomach bug and we’d all get sick or she would have to miss out on the museum but we were lucky that wasn’t the case. Maybe it was acid reflux or something. The condo we stayed at was so spacious and nice. I was amazed we got all the things we got for about $160 a night. It was a two bed, two bath condo with a loft, balcony, fireplace, full kitchen, jacuzzi tub and sauna in it. We were tucked low in the mountains with a nice view of woods and saw a bunch of deer every day. The weather was gorgeous. Vanessa and I didn’t do the water park (she is so unpredictable and i didn’t want her to have a fit and us all the have to leave) but she took it surprisingly well when the others snuck out without us. She asked about where they went and Natalie told her before they left they were going to “work” for a bit but she didn’t cry or want to be included much. Kids are naturally stressful and draining so vacation is never really vacation with them but I would be so bored sitting around relaxing anyway. ;)  Oh, random update on potty training: Vanessa completely reverted to diapers again. 😩 We we’re doing sooo well and I thought we just needed to fine tune things a bit and it was over but nope. She came down with a stomach bug about a month or so ago and that’s when things went to shit (literally). She has since began making some progress again and even used the public bathrooms several times on vacation but there is still a lot of work to do and I’m worried this will just be a continuous struggle. 

Potty Training

 I am totally gonna jinx this by posting about it but I realized I don't remember much details of potty training Natalie. She was 26 months old and she peed on the floor one day when she didn't have a diaper on while waiting for her bath. Matt told her she's supposed to pee in her diaper or on the potty and from there we had a pretty easy journey to get her out of diapers. I think we told her if she used the toilet ten times we would take her to the store and she could pick out a toy. It was either that or we told her if she pooped on the toilet we would get her the toy, I cannot remember. I do remember taking her to Target one night after she accomplished her goal. She picked out a lego duplo ambulance and a pack of live savors mints which she used to love eating at my mother in laws house. I don't recall how long it took her to be fully independent from the diaper, or when she started telling us she needed to go, or how often she had accidents (not much), or if we used pull ups (I don't think so) but I do know it was relatively quick and easy. 

Anyway, back to the purpose of this post: Vanessa potty training. We definitely didn't luck out like we did with Nat but we've taken a turn for the better. I started trying just before her second birth in June 2021. She was initially interested and I bought books and thought things would progress. She quickly decided she wanted nothing to do with it though and would decline sitting on the toilet, even when we would bribe her with a treat. She would get upset when we asked her, so I stopped. Matt would occasionally tell her not to use her diapers and she should use the toilet instead but she wasn't influenced. 

I don't recall how or why we started trying again but within the last three or four weeks things have taken off! (Knock on wood.) I started setting a timer every hour via Alexa and would sit her on her training toilet. Then I would reward her with a lollipop if she peed and a small gummy just for sitting. She would still frequently go in her diaper and wasn't bothered by it at all. Just two days ago she started telling us she needed to use the potty! I am so proud and excited and happy! I told her if she told me she had to use the toilet I would give her a star sticker and when she got to ten stickers she could go pick out a toy from the store. She earned ten stars yesterday but hasn't asked to go since so I am wondering if the appeal of asking is gone. I guess we'll see how today goes but I am crossing my fingers she doesn't regress and lose interest again. 

Overall though she has made so much progress and is such a sweet, silly, crazy child. She was lying in bed the other day and said to me, "snuggle me." I didn't understand her at first and thought she said "tickle me" but I asked her to repeat herself and my heart melted when she did. Last night after dinner at my father in laws house as she was saying goodbye she was like "thanks for dinner" without being prompted and it was so cute and sweet! I love this baby big girl as she calls herself! 

Valentines 2022

 I’m sure I’ve mentioned before that Valentines Day is my favorite holiday but I’ll say it again! Vanities Day is my favorite holiday! I remember when I was probably five or six years old my mom had me choose between a box of chocolates or a white teddy bear as my valentines gift when we were at the grocery store and shockingly I chose the bear (I was super into sweets). Every year at least since we’ve had children of our own Matt and I take the day off from work (usually I’m not working since I only work part time) and get a sitter. We go to the movies, lunch, shopping, bowling, for long drives, or anything else we can think of that we actually feel like doing. Today we dropped Vana off at his moms house and headed to a mall we don’t usually go to. We walked around and found somewhere to eat. We had a nice meal (Matt really enjoyed the fish he got) and even though I was full I got a banana split afterwards. Then we came home, watched a show that we found out his coworkers son directed, exchange gifts and went to pick up the kids. Things are always kept simple but we have such a nice, fun time when we’re connecting without any responsibilities. Matt talked about how he dreams of the day when every day is this relaxing and we’re retired. Honestly thinking about the future terrifies me and find me with existential dread. There are so many things that can go wrong and so many awful things that can happen. What if one of us gets terminally ill or hit by a bus? I could list more horrible scenarios but that’s not the reason for this post. The reason is I want to remember this day and the love and happiness I feel. I’m so so so so grateful for this man and this life we’ve built. 

Caregiving

In my summer recap post I said there was something I wanted to post about but didn't want to jinx so here it is (it really isn't exciting to anyone but myself, haha): I got a new job! I know, big whoop. But I worked for the same company for 13 years as a receptionist in a salon so this is a really big change for me. I am now working as an elderly caregiver at an assisted living facility, so it's a completely different world from answering phones and booking appointments (amongst other tasks). I got hired on the spot (which I like to think is because they thought I was amazing but I think it's because they're desperate for staff 😉) and started my hands on training in midish October. I do enjoy it but it is super demanding at times as I'm sure anyone in healthcare can vouch for. I am not really sure what this may lead to for me. Maybe (and probably) nothing much more. Now that I've dipped my toe in the medical field I don't think I want to pursue it full time or have any more responsibilities other than everything I do now. I definitely don't want to be a nurse. All you hear is how short staffed it is, how underpaid you are, how emotionally taxing it is, how grueling the hours are, and how mistreated you are. Plus how hard and expensive nursing school is. I also hear nurses are really really awful to each other. No fucking thanks. I do very much enjoy taking care of other people though. The reason I left the salon after so much time being a dedicated employee is because of some unnecessary mistreatment towards my sister (who also worked there and also quit). Long story short there was blatant (and completely unjustified) favoritism from my boss to a new receptionist who was HORRIBLE. Things with the awful woman came to light very shortly after we left, which gives me a bit of satisfaction (just being honest). I was nervous and it was kind of hard to decide to quit (only because I didn't think I could find somewhere to give me the hours I wanted but I did) but at the same time I knew I couldn't put up with the toxicity and drama there anymore. I feel like a great weight was lifted. For the past almost 11 years I really haven't had anything exciting that belonged just to me, so changing career paths is exciting!