28 May 2021

10 Years Married!

 Wow, today makes an entire decade of being married to my love! I read something that went, "don't brag about being in a relationship for 10 years when you've been crying for nine of them," or something like that. I can say even though tears have been shed through the years there have been far more happy times than not. I don't have any sound advice or enlightening wisdom on how to make a relationship successful. I feel like I hit the love jackpot my first time playing. Matt makes thing so easy and effortless (most days). I wish I could say I always do the same but I am a work in progress. I can be a total hormonal bitch and I hate it. I have come a long way from some of my not so pleasant ways though and for that I am proud.

Okay, enough about me being a less than perfect wife. 

Man, 10 years. In some ways it feel like a huge chunk of time, in others it's just a drop in the bucket (if we're lucky and don't die soon, haha). Time is so strange and hard to grasp. I am really grateful to have made it to this milestone. I looked back at photos and the video from our wedding day and it felt like another lifetime. In all honesty I did not want to have a wedding. I hated the idea of so much attention on myself, my family, my love life. I was young and not full of confidence the way I am today. I was a little insecure about my looks, mostly my teeth, which is why I am barely smiling in any of my photos. I had actually just began the process of getting Invisalign before my wedding and my teeth were pretty crooked. You can't tell from far away or in certain angles/lights but you mostly can't tell because I kept my mouth closed all the time. I felt so awkward about walking down the aisle too. So much so that I tried my best to convince Matt is was an unnecessary formality. I brainstormed ideas like just walking out from the side of the venue real casually at meeting at the altar on the low. Eloping would have been way more my style but Matt wanted a traditional day and I did too in a way. Just minus all the people gawking at me at one of the most vulnerable moments of my life. It was like public speaking times 100 and the speech I had to give was declaring my deepest thoughts and feelings for the man I love. It honestly is an intense thing to do. I was also so worried about how people perceived me and if I was being awkward or if my family was going to do something embarrassing. I know these aren't pleasant things to admit but it's true and I am so so very different today. Sure, it still isn't my style to have all eyes on me and it would be a little uncomfortable to be super mushy in front of 85 or so people but the things that stressed me out then probably wouldn't be such a huge deal. (Maybe I only say that because I've been down the aisle and know what to expect but I think I have just gotten more confident and comfortable in my own skin.) 

Today we celebrated with a lunch and bowling date, then a family dinner with both our sets of parents. Lately I’ve been trying to spend more time with my parents and better our relationship while they’re still here. It was a great day and I’m sad it’s over. Happy 10 years!!

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