21 Months

 I know 21 months is a bit of an odd age to be doing an update for. Just like 19 months was. But I find it challenging to actually get on here and put my thoughts together and talk about life lately. For the last year I have slowly changed. I can’t quite pinpoint what it is, it’s like I just don’t give a fuck about anything. Not like my family or hygiene or anything like that. I’m not in too deep of a funk. I just feel really blah and like I don’t care about what anyone thinks or about anyone besides my family. It has its ups and downs. For a while I was super grumpy and just the sight of other people made me annoyed. Taking Vanessa to the playground would be stressful because I usually get overwhelmed with crowds and other people suck at watching their own children. It makes me nervous that older kids are going to knock her over or hurt her in someway. She also has been a bit of a challenge and tends to have meltdowns over seemingly nothing. I am a bit concerned about a speech delay in her. She tries to say just about any word we ask her to but only says maybe 30 words that are clear. She doesn’t put two words together yet either, another huge concern at her age. She does understand so much of what we say though and will follow directions and try to communicate, so I’m not super super worried. She has also been hitting me and laughing about it despite me sternly telling her no repeatedly. I guess she thinks it’s a game or just lacks the understanding that it isn’t okay, something else that concerns me a bit. Sleep wise she is still waking up several times a night, though I think she might be going longer stretches. She knows her colors really really well. She can recognize some letters too. She has counted to 3 by herself before. 

Natalie isn’t doing great. She is not back at school and virtual learning is a daily struggle. She just doesn’t want to do it. I have a feeling it’s not just the virtual aspect of it, I think she’d be giving us hell if she had to go into the building too. She just wants to play and do what she wants all day, who doesn’t? It isn’t just school that’s the problem though, we are met with sighs and huffs and puffs and a whiny attitude no matter what we ask of her. We did start doing a “book club” where we read together most nights. She doesn’t like reading despite being a good reader and I thought this would be a good way to entice her to do so. She seldom actually agrees to read from our books though unless I tell her I’m finished and too tired to. I do it at bedtime because she’ll do anything to put off sleeping and I knew that would be a good way to get her interested in books, even if it is mostly reading to her. There’s still a great benefit to being read to and she is learning new words and opening her mind up to new stories. It’s been a great bonding experience for us as well. The first book we read called So B. It was made into a movie many years after being published. We watched the movie for our “movie night” a couple weeks ago (after finishing the book) so that was neat to see how the two differ. 

Overall things are fine. They could always always be worse so I try not to bitch and moan too much. I’ll so lucky to have my children and husband and health and house and so so much more.