04 December 2020


 Nine years ago today I gave birth to my first baby. It was early on a Sunday morning when I went into labor, totally in denial. My sister drove me to the hospital and took the longest route possible as I wallowed in agony from contractions. 3 hours later I was holding my beautiful girl. I remember how warm her little body was as they laid her on me for the first time. 

I also remember for the longest time people talking about the pros and cons of having a child of a certain gender. They'd always talk about how girls are so much "drama" and I would just think "kids are kids" but now I understand why they said that. Girls are sensitive and complex and yes, dramatic. If Natalie plays with her friends there is always a freaking conflict anymore. If her cousin Bridget comes over it's emotional overload if they don't agree with something I say. I try to talk to them to figure out why they're so upset but it's just "leave me alone" (mostly from Bridget who's 11) or an inaudible tearfest. I am not much better and get easily annoyed, often just snapping at them and saying something that only upsets them more. I wonder how much easier boys are. Are they less emotionally complicated? I kinda gotta think so, at least most the time. 

But I love having two daughters. I miss so badly when she was a toddler though. It often feels like she is turning more and more into a tween with a crappy attitude. Maybe it's learned behavior from me or maybe personality traits are inherited or maybe I've just done a shitty job or maybe it's just who she is. I hope so much it's just a phase. 

Happy birthday Natalie. 

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