Lockdown

Yesterday the governor ordered the state of VA to stay home except for essentials (food, medicine), medical care and fresh air/exercise. The law also allows people to visit relatives and a list if other things like volunteer. This order is in effect until June 10th. I have a feeling the restrictions will be lifted before that date. I'm not sure how to feel.  I don't have the answers. We all do need to move on with our lives and jobs but at what cost? How long until it's safe? How fucked up are things about to get for the economy and health system? This is all such a disaster and still a very divided political issue with people still downplaying it or outright saying the death toll is a lie to make Trump look bad (like he needs any fucking help to do that). I'm still so angry and lost about it but thanking my lucky stars I'm here and healthy with my family.

On another note, homeschooling is still going well most the time. There are moments of frustration with getting Natalie to focus and listen without giving attitude but overall I love this. Yesterday we planted some seeds in our yard and have started a vegetable garden. My neighbor gave us some lettuce and snap pea seeds, soil and a pole for the snap peas to grown up which I had no freaking clue was a thing.  I'll be amazed if anything is harvestable because I can take care of children quite well but plants/crops are not my forte.  I always dreamed of growing my own food though and now seems like a good time to.

Vanessa is such an amazing baby. She learns so quick, though she doesn't always repeat things when you want her to (which is fine, I'm not her puppet master). Today while she was takin lg a bath I asked her to share one of her toys with me and sure enough she handed to me. Then she pulled the faucet cover off (twice) and was playing with that and I videotaped me asking her to share and her immediately turning around to hand it to me. Last night we were outside and I pointed out the moon high in the sky above us and she pointed at it and made her adorable noises. Then she looked around elsewhere and I asked her where the moon was and she looked up and pointed right at it. She just blows me away. Oh, she is also becoming super attached to Matt and prefers him to me 100%. That's exactly how Natalie was too until she was several years old. It's sad because Vanessa always reaches for him and cries when he can't hold her. I try not to take it personally.  She's still my little snuggle bug and I love being with my girls all the time. 

Ranting

It has been 12 days since we got word that Natalie's school was closing for a month. Two days ago the governor of Virginia announced school is closed for the rest of the academic year. Oh, I also am unemployed for the first time since I was 16. Hopefully it is only temporary and my salon location will open back up when it is safe. We're a small company and I don't think my location pulls in enough money to withstand being closed for much more than 30 days though.

I am not sure how I feel. I have mood swings about all of this mess. I sometimes get so frustrated that I just want to rant and vent and curse. I feel so angry about what could have been done to prevent getting to this point (many other countries successfully stopped this nonsense before it spread). I get angry at the people who still laugh about it and call it a hoax or an exaggeration. I get mad (so mad) at the president and his idiocy. His bullshit, his hypocrisy and his flat out lies. I get angry at the people who still defend him and claim to be these great patriots but don't take what the country needs to heart. Trump (I get mad even writing his name) wants to reopen the country back up in a couple short weeks to prevent financial collapse despite health experts advice that it will only worsen the pandemic and kill more people who would have otherwise lived. People are all, "it's easy to criticize leaders, would you know what to do in this situation?" and no, I do not know what to do in this situation and I am not saying it's an easy place to be. I also do not have advice from some of the worlds smartest doctors and scientists who study infectious diseases telling me what to do to then act like a cocky, know it all motherfucker and not only ignore their advice but do the EXACT fucking opposite of what they say. I am not saying he will get away with opening back up by Easter (his desired timeline and he talked about how beautiful it will be to have churches packed with people, ugh) so fingers crossed that it doesn't work out. Trust me, I am in no state to be without a job and like I said I may be without that job for good. But I have a patriotic duty to fill by keeping this disease from spreading. 

Whew, okay that felt good to get off my chest. 

Nine Months

With the world collapsing before my bare eyes and my brain focusing on so many worries ahead, it is a bit challenging to even think about my baby turning 9 months old.

Here we are though, world aflame and Vana being another month older. She's such a silly little baby. She does this adorable thing when I lean my head into her and say, "noggin" and gently taps her forehead to mine. She also "kisses" me by pressing her wide open mouth to my face and leaving it there. Sleep it still awful, maybe worse. She rolls around in what seems to be discomfort until we (me) pick her up snuggle her. She still feeds at night too, around 12 ozs maybe. She is down to one nap a day, sometimes an hour long, sometimes three hours or so. She is very clingy and demands to be held/entertained all day. She is back to not really playing solo and is very cranky. I believe it's mostly teething but unfortunately since she was 5 months she's had ear issues. First was an infection,  then another infection (or the first never cleared), then the ear wasn't fully healed and now she has fluid in her ear but the doctor last visit 2 weeks ago said it wasn't infected then. She was supposed to see a specialist about it but due to this global pandemic they didn't bring us into the office and just chatted with me on the phone. The specialist said that a lot of times babies' eustachian tubes are long enough and something about why that causes issues. The fluid may not be causing her pain, just discomfort but it could be muffling her hearing which would be an issue. We have to wait and see when it's safe to take her to the ear doctor to get evaluated and possibly explore the option of putting a tube in her ear.

Physically she is thriving. She was a healthy 21 lbs and 29.5 inches 2 weeks ago. I forgot the percentiles but it was like 8oth and 99th. She enjoys solids very much but is very picky about them. She won't eat fresh fruit or many vegetables. She loves canned soup, meat (any kind), and prepackaged snacks like puffs and knock off Cheerios. She really enjoys freeze dried strawberries too. It makes me nuts because I never know what to feed her. I want her to be eating baby mush and healthier fresh foods. Matt's dad is ready to give her sweets and lots of junk, haha. I am going to let him be the first to give her McDonald's when the time is right because he's been itching to do that.

Whatever she's been eating, she is getting strong! She is cruising along edges and can stand independently for 10-15+ seconds. She can also squirm and roll away from you like she does every single diaper change.  Every single one.  It is such a challenge, especially the messy ones, eww.

She's a handful for sure and an entirely different baby than Natalie was but I love and adore her all the same. She is charming and smart and amazing. Happy 9 months, Vana Vo!

Update 3.25.20: She bit me like 3 times today. It was when she was happy (when I tickled her and when Natalie surprised her, something that makes her really excited) so hopefully it was just a nervous tick type thing and not full on aggression.

 I kept having to snatch leaves out of her hands/mouth while taking these.

 I got her to eat some peach baby mush today.

I was really hoping to lose more weight before my birthday in June but it's looking like I'll be gaining 30 lbs by then with this quarantine. 

Homeschooled

Wow, we are already three days into homeschooling! It has been going great! Natalie is the most organized kid I've ever met. She was so cute and was so excited about being homeschooled. Before school even shut down she was planning things out and writing out her schedule, writing lists of things she needs, and gathering supplies. Once she got her assignments from her teacher, she organized those assignments by subject order she would be doing them in. She has been cooperative and does the work but it's also extremely light and easy work. We could do all subjects in less than an hour but I need it to stretch us through a good amount of the day. I'm flexible though because I have to be with a demanding baby to care for. I've been loving it so much. Don't get me wrong, it's not perfect and Natalie and I still bicker but it isn't about homeschooling (yet).

An update on the burning world: As I write this on March 18th, 2020 at 9:42 pm almost 9,000 people globally have died from covid19. 8,953 last I checked. The numbers of cases and deaths keeps jumping up and up and up. There are more cases than reported because people can be without symptoms and you have to jump through hoops to get tested since there is a test shortage for some reason. My anxiety is all over. I fear getting sick, I mostly fear my in laws or parents getting sick and I definitely fear the economical damage this virus is causing. I think Matt will lose his job. He works for a small company that is already struggling. I don't know what the future holds. It is what it is I guess. I can't panic and do anything about what is bound to be.

Anyway, aside from all that, life is great! I asked Natalie today, "What are your thoughts on Coronavirus and everything going on?" She smiled and said, "I don't know. I'm just happy to be with you," as she dove into me for a hug. I love these girl's of mine. I love Matt so much. I'm so lucky and happy to have them, come hell or high waters.

Tomorrow the weather will be beautiful and I look forward to another day we can homeschool.

Coronavirus

Remember all those times I mentioned how I love having Natalie home with me and I wish we had more time together since she started school? Well, wish granted! I get a whole month of her being home courtesy of coronavirus!

School is closing Monday (the 16th) and starts back up after our regularly scheduled spring break on April 13th. The plan is to do some homeschooling for a couple of weeks and then enjoy a trip to the mountains and waterpark but something tells me that trip is going to hell.
I really actually dread homeschooling. Vana has been having a tough time lately and attached at the hip, just yelling and crying all day. Natalie is stubborn and full of attitude lately. I just foresee my day being stress filled trying to get Natalie to cooperate with a cranky baby in hand.
Just to document and look back on all this, here's a summary of what is going on right now: a global pandemic of something called cornovirus causing the world to go to shit (even more so than all the other things that make it shit).

Things are a bit crazy at the moment, and it's only just begun here in my area. Schools closing, grocery stores out of basic necessities, and events being cancelled. All pro sports have been cancelled, concerts, parties, ect. in an effort to socially distance people and prevent this from spreading more.  I am so on board with the idea of less crowds and avoiding people as much as possible, something I do all year round.

I don't know what will happen and how bad things might get but shockingly I am staying very calm. I have my moments of, "oh snap, what if the worst case scenario happens?!" and even moments of, "what if the worst case scenario doesn't happen but we still get this virus and it's terrible and life altering even not in the worst stage?!" but overall I am being rational, which is unusual.
There are loads of mixed opinions on how things will pan out and it's hard to know what to think and feel. It's all really just a big wait and see game. I actually feel a lot of anger about the way things are being politicized. I get mad reading social media posts and feel frustation about how the country is run in general. I am not saying I have the answers and I usually just stay the fuck away from anything political because 1. I don't care 2. It's complicated and I don't understand.

Anyway, I haven't been feeling 100%. I still get dizzy really easily (like even if I'm sitting down I lose my balance and feel like I'm tipping over) and have been fatigued which is normal for a mom to a baby who never sleeps well. All this mess with what's going on is surreal and I just am hoping for the best for everyone!