25 March 2020


It has been 12 days since we got word that Natalie's school was closing for a month. Two days ago the governor of Virginia announced school is closed for the rest of the academic year. Oh, I also am unemployed for the first time since I was 16. Hopefully it is only temporary and my salon location will open back up when it is safe. We're a small company and I don't think my location pulls in enough money to withstand being closed for much more than 30 days though.

I am not sure how I feel. I have mood swings about all of this mess. I sometimes get so frustrated that I just want to rant and vent and curse. I feel so angry about what could have been done to prevent getting to this point (many other countries successfully stopped this nonsense before it spread). I get angry at the people who still laugh about it and call it a hoax or an exaggeration. I get mad (so mad) at the president and his idiocy. His bullshit, his hypocrisy and his flat out lies. I get angry at the people who still defend him and claim to be these great patriots but don't take what the country needs to heart. Trump (I get mad even writing his name) wants to reopen the country back up in a couple short weeks to prevent financial collapse despite health experts advice that it will only worsen the pandemic and kill more people who would have otherwise lived. People are all, "it's easy to criticize leaders, would you know what to do in this situation?" and no, I do not know what to do in this situation and I am not saying it's an easy place to be. I also do not have advice from some of the worlds smartest doctors and scientists who study infectious diseases telling me what to do to then act like a cocky, know it all motherfucker and not only ignore their advice but do the EXACT fucking opposite of what they say. I am not saying he will get away with opening back up by Easter (his desired timeline and he talked about how beautiful it will be to have churches packed with people, ugh) so fingers crossed that it doesn't work out. Trust me, I am in no state to be without a job and like I said I may be without that job for good. But I have a patriotic duty to fill by keeping this disease from spreading. 

Whew, okay that felt good to get off my chest. 

23 March 2020

Nine Months

With the world collapsing before my bare eyes and my brain focusing on so many worries ahead, it is a bit challenging to even think about my baby turning 9 months old.

Here we are though, world aflame and Vana being another month older. She's such a silly little baby. She does this adorable thing when I lean my head into her and say, "noggin" and gently taps her forehead to mine. She also "kisses" me by pressing her wide open mouth to my face and leaving it there. Sleep it still awful, maybe worse. She rolls around in what seems to be discomfort until we (me) pick her up snuggle her. She still feeds at night too, around 12 ozs maybe. She is down to one nap a day, sometimes an hour long, sometimes three hours or so. She is very clingy and demands to be held/entertained all day. She is back to not really playing solo and is very cranky. I believe it's mostly teething but unfortunately since she was 5 months she's had ear issues. First was an infection,  then another infection (or the first never cleared), then the ear wasn't fully healed and now she has fluid in her ear but the doctor last visit 2 weeks ago said it wasn't infected then. She was supposed to see a specialist about it but due to this global pandemic they didn't bring us into the office and just chatted with me on the phone. The specialist said that a lot of times babies' eustachian tubes are long enough and something about why that causes issues. The fluid may not be causing her pain, just discomfort but it could be muffling her hearing which would be an issue. We have to wait and see when it's safe to take her to the ear doctor to get evaluated and possibly explore the option of putting a tube in her ear.

Physically she is thriving. She was a healthy 21 lbs and 29.5 inches 2 weeks ago. I forgot the percentiles but it was like 8oth and 99th. She enjoys solids very much but is very picky about them. She won't eat fresh fruit or many vegetables. She loves canned soup, meat (any kind), and prepackaged snacks like puffs and knock off Cheerios. She really enjoys freeze dried strawberries too. It makes me nuts because I never know what to feed her. I want her to be eating baby mush and healthier fresh foods. Matt's dad is ready to give her sweets and lots of junk, haha. I am going to let him be the first to give her McDonald's when the time is right because he's been itching to do that.

Whatever she's been eating, she is getting strong! She is cruising along edges and can stand independently for 10-15+ seconds. She can also squirm and roll away from you like she does every single diaper change.  Every single one.  It is such a challenge, especially the messy ones, eww.

She's a handful for sure and an entirely different baby than Natalie was but I love and adore her all the same. She is charming and smart and amazing. Happy 9 months, Vana Vo!

Update 3.25.20: She bit me like 3 times today. It was when she was happy (when I tickled her and when Natalie surprised her, something that makes her really excited) so hopefully it was just a nervous tick type thing and not full on aggression.

 I kept having to snatch leaves out of her hands/mouth while taking these.
 I got her to eat some peach baby mush today.
I was really hoping to lose more weight before my birthday in June but it's looking like I'll be gaining 30 lbs by then with this quarantine. 

18 March 2020


Wow, we are already three days into homeschooling! It has been going great! Natalie is the most organized kid I've ever met. She was so cute and was so excited about being homeschooled. Before school even shut down she was planning things out and writing out her schedule, writing lists of things she needs, and gathering supplies. Once she got her assignments from her teacher, she organized those assignments by subject order she would be doing them in. She has been cooperative and does the work but it's also extremely light and easy work. We could do all subjects in less than an hour but I need it to stretch us through a good amount of the day. I'm flexible though because I have to be with a demanding baby to care for. I've been loving it so much. Don't get me wrong, it's not perfect and Natalie and I still bicker but it isn't about homeschooling (yet).

An update on the burning world: As I write this on March 18th, 2020 at 9:42 pm almost 9,000 people globally have died from covid19. 8,953 last I checked. The numbers of cases and deaths keeps jumping up and up and up. There are more cases than reported because people can be without symptoms and you have to jump through hoops to get tested since there is a test shortage for some reason. My anxiety is all over. I fear getting sick, I mostly fear my in laws or parents getting sick and I definitely fear the economical damage this virus is causing. I think Matt will lose his job. He works for a small company that is already struggling. I don't know what the future holds. It is what it is I guess. I can't panic and do anything about what is bound to be.

Anyway, aside from all that, life is great! I asked Natalie today, "What are your thoughts on Coronavirus and everything going on?" She smiled and said, "I don't know. I'm just happy to be with you," as she dove into me for a hug. I love these girl's of mine. I love Matt so much. I'm so lucky and happy to have them, come hell or high waters.

Tomorrow the weather will be beautiful and I look forward to another day we can homeschool.

14 March 2020


Remember all those times I mentioned how I love having Natalie home with me and I wish we had more time together since she started school? Well, wish granted! I get a whole month of her being home courtesy of coronavirus!

School is closing Monday (the 16th) and starts back up after our regularly scheduled spring break on April 13th. The plan is to do some homeschooling for a couple of weeks and then enjoy a trip to the mountains and waterpark but something tells me that trip is going to hell.
I really actually dread homeschooling. Vana has been having a tough time lately and attached at the hip, just yelling and crying all day. Natalie is stubborn and full of attitude lately. I just foresee my day being stress filled trying to get Natalie to cooperate with a cranky baby in hand.
Just to document and look back on all this, here's a summary of what is going on right now: a global pandemic of something called cornovirus causing the world to go to shit (even more so than all the other things that make it shit).

Things are a bit crazy at the moment, and it's only just begun here in my area. Schools closing, grocery stores out of basic necessities, and events being cancelled. All pro sports have been cancelled, concerts, parties, ect. in an effort to socially distance people and prevent this from spreading more.  I am so on board with the idea of less crowds and avoiding people as much as possible, something I do all year round.

I don't know what will happen and how bad things might get but shockingly I am staying very calm. I have my moments of, "oh snap, what if the worst case scenario happens?!" and even moments of, "what if the worst case scenario doesn't happen but we still get this virus and it's terrible and life altering even not in the worst stage?!" but overall I am being rational, which is unusual.
There are loads of mixed opinions on how things will pan out and it's hard to know what to think and feel. It's all really just a big wait and see game. I actually feel a lot of anger about the way things are being politicized. I get mad reading social media posts and feel frustation about how the country is run in general. I am not saying I have the answers and I usually just stay the fuck away from anything political because 1. I don't care 2. It's complicated and I don't understand.

Anyway, I haven't been feeling 100%. I still get dizzy really easily (like even if I'm sitting down I lose my balance and feel like I'm tipping over) and have been fatigued which is normal for a mom to a baby who never sleeps well. All this mess with what's going on is surreal and I just am hoping for the best for everyone!

24 February 2020

Eight Months

Ack, I forgot to post yesterday and almost forgot today! Vanessa is 8 months old! I feel like I updated every new thing in the 7 month post as I did so as she hit new milestones. The other day I was saying, "that's Daddy," while pointing at Matt and she said "da-da" but  I believe it was crazy coincidental timing. She's so freaking sweet and silly. I mean this in the utmost endearing way but she reminds me of a little puppy sometimes because she'll put something in her mouth and then crawl around with it. There are other things that make me feel like she is a little puppy too but I can't really explain what or why. Maybe because she's slobbery and pants around while she crawls. She has the sweetest disposition and personality.  I can't get enough of her. She fits in so well with our family and just rolls with wherever we go or whatever we do. She is finally getting keen on solids. She loves legit solids, not purees. I want to limit the amount of prepackaged stuff she eats like the puffs and crackers and such but options are semi limited at the moment. I only give her fruits/veggies in this little net thing for babies to get small amounts of without choking. She isn't ready to eat homemade dinners yet. Anyway, she's thriving and just the best! Happy 8 months,  Vana!

Update: 3.3.20 She started playing peek a boo on cue last week! She'll take a blanket and if you ask where Vanessa is she holds it over her face then brings it back down and repeats the process again and again.

3/14/20: I meant to update a couple weeks ago but it got away from me. She will occasionally wave bye-bye. She does a good amount of head butting and trying to kiss us with her little mouth wide open and pushed against our faces. She is cranky most the day and pulls on her ear loads. I took her to get her ear checked out. It's not infected but there is fluid and we're going to see a specialist. There are some other things she started doing too that I can't remember but she just seems to be such a bright little baby.

29 January 2020

On the Move

Almost one week after turning 7 months and Vana figured crawling out today! She went after our fat cat Lilly. It's easier for her to crawl on the bed than hardwood floors or our area rug but she is getting better and better and faster and faster. No taking our eyes off her now!

23 January 2020

Seven Months

Happy 7 months to my beautiful, cheeky baby! I feel like things have started to really settle down and get easier *knock on wood*. Now that she can sit independently she can entertain herself with toys well I get stuff done. She in general seems a bit less high maintenance, but that comes and goes. Some days of course are harder than others but overall she is a very easy, wonderful baby. Sleep is still inconsistent and she's still waking roughly every 2 hours. It's not always to eat, she is sometimes just in need of cuddles/rocking. She still isn't super keen on solids. She likes peaches and pears but does not enjoy bananas or anything else, though I haven't pushed too much since she doesn't like much. She finally has started making her first babbling sounds. I think she mostly does it when she  is in pain from teething.  She opens her mouth and makes a "rah rah" sound  but sounds kind of sad  when she does it. She has been perpetually sick for months with on and off colds. She woke up todqay with the snottiest nose, poor girl. Natalie rarely ever got sick as a baby but she was also a lot more sheltered and keep away from germs more. Vanessa is super close to crawling and can scoot around. A few days ago she was so funny and was sliding around backwards on her belly on the floor. She was bumping into things like chairs and the tables and just giving the biggest smile. She even got stuck underneath her ExerSaucer but gave me the biggest smile when she did. I just find everything she does so funny and adorable. She is so sweet and loving , just like her big sis. Overall I feel like my family is doing so well and really getting the hang of things. Having two really great children is the main reason I would say. I just don't feel very stressed right now and that's because my babies have been taking it easy on me *again, knock on wood.* Natalie can be challenging with her attitude and inability to follow directions/listen but that's really not a big deal compared to some (a LOT of) kids. On top of that her sweet nature redeems her. I like to believe that the way she is treated by Matt and I is a big reason for the kind of behavior she emulates. The other day she got up at 6:30 and surprise me in bed with breakfast. She made me toast and jam, peanut butter crackers and Greek yogurt. She even wrote a note saying "thank you for being the best mom ever" and taped a mini Snickers to it. She told me "I know you don't usually eat candy in the morning (LOL usually) but I thought since today was a special occasion you could." I asked what the special occasion was and she said it was mommy day and that she would give me a massage later. Come to think of it, I am still waiting on that massage, haha. Then she proceeded to tell Matt that tomorrow was Daddy Day and Mommy Day and she would make us breakfast in bed. The only challenge we seem to face with the two girls together does that Natalie this sometimes guilty of trying too hard to take care of her sister. She adores her too much sometimes too and it can be a little overbearing. But that is a good problem to have, that my big girl loves her little sister too much. I'll take it any day.
Update: 2/2/20: I forgot to mention a couple weeks ago she pulled herself up in her crib before losing her balance and hitting her mouth as I tried to catch her. She enjoys standing and has started taking small, wobbly steps forward when you hold her hands. She also attempts to crawl using her hind legs and feet. Her cognitive abilities are definitely growing as well! We live behind train tracks and every time a train passes we look out the window and ask her if she sees the train. Yesterday we were sitting with our backs to the window that the trains pass by and I was reading her a book that had a toy train. When I said the word, "train" she turned completely around and looked out the window! It made me so excited and proud! Her babbling is taking off too and she started making mmm and buh sounds this weekend! 
Update 2/6/20: man her development seems to be taking off! Another week has gone by and she learned to pull herself up on the couch today. Anything she can grab on to she wants to use to stand. Tables, trash cans, couches, toy box... a physical feature that is a bit new is her hair is getting some curl/wave to it. I noticed it after her baths when she was little because the back of her hair would be a bit wavy but now the front is too. She's also learned to clap her hands a bit. It's not on cue but it is new. She gets into everything she can and will grant anything within reach.  She also slaps my face and chest sometimes, which I'm not a fan of and stop her from doing. Now she won't lay still/back when we change her diaper. It's super challenging, especially the messy ones. And she gets into everything she's not supposed to. She loves pulling wipes out of their packaging. I think she is going to be a mischievous little girl!
Update again 2/11/20: Man this girl is on a roll! Friday (2/7) at my mother in laws house she started putting her hand in the air towards the ceiling to point at the fans. We would get excited and say, "the fans go round and round and round," and motion our hand in circles.  She's super fascinated with the fans and loves looking at them. Today she began waving her hand around when pointing them out, just like we've been showing her every time she watches a fan spin! It's something Natalie used to do too, though I have no clue what age she started doing it. It's so amazing watching this girl grow and really absorbing everything around her. It feels like I get another chance to really relish each and every moment and put my finger on the exact moment she learns something new. Oh she is not a patient baby, not that many are. As I was drawing her a bath today she was squirming to get in it. She began eating little baby cereal puff things today too a d if I didn't give them fast enough she showed frustration by yelling out. It wasn't a super angry yell but you could tell she was upset with waiting. A very memorable story from when Natalie was a baby is a day I was feeding her in my lap and taking to my sister across the table. I got side tracked with talking and had a fork full of food to give Natalie inches from her face that I was too distracted to bring to her mouth. Instead of getting my attention by making noise she so patiently sat there with her mouth open waiting. I only noticed because my sister pointed it out. And I remember days at the playground when she was tiny and kids would cut on front of her on the slide or take an extra long time on equipment she wanted. She always just waited without causing a fuss or it even bothering her.

01 January 2020

Welcome, 2020!

Happy New Year! The start of a new year is always time for reflecting and setting goals and expectations for the months to come.

When I look back on 2019, there is almost not one bad thing to say about it. I live a virtually drama free life, just chillin' in my little bubble, judging the shit out of everyone around me. The worst thing I can think of is the crazy bitch at the playground. Other than that and my kid's catching a virus at Christmas everything was amazing! I got through a childbirth I was terrified of and it went so well, did some self improvement (both physically and spiritually), my girl's are thriving and my marriage is  almost effortless (not every minute of the day but mostly). Which leads me to goals/ plans for the new year.

There isn't a thing I want to change about my life in terms of my home/love life or even my professional life. I love how everything is. We've got so much good going. We have a house, wonderful children, a great relationship, food on the table, a loving family and so much more. I just want to continue to foster the bonds I have and continue to keep my family the main (and only) priority. What I would love to focus on more is myself. I conquered some stuff in 2019 that was long overdue. Now that that has been achieved I would like to keep that in check and dwell on some other character flaws about myself. Really just deal with stress better and not react with rude remarks when I get upset. I'd like to make date nights for Matt and I a monthly thing as well. I would like to do some home projects and get more organized around the house. Oh, and I have been saying this for like 6 years straight but I would very much enjoy losing some more weight and to finally get back within 5-10 lbs of my pre Natalie weight. But honestly it's kind of whatever on that one. I'll be happy just to not gain an assload of weight again and maintain the current number. I'm finally practicing a bit of self care and it feels so good. I'd like to increase that and maybe have a spa day or something I do just for myself.

I hope 2020 brings you all the happiness you can imagine.