18 September 2019

12 weeks

Yesterday Vanessa and I took our second music class together! We had a good time. She was perfectly content the whole time up until class was over and she wacked herself in the face with a rattle. She made her adorable cry face and let out a little wail but was fine by the time she was upright in my arms. After class she smiled at another mom who told her she had pretty eyes.

We did the babies class this time and I felt a lot more comfortable with the younger age group, just because I wasn't the only one at risk of a little time bomb going off at any second. All the babies were chill and even let out a few squeals though. I really enjoyed it and look forward to next class.

One thing about class that really struck a chord with me is the instructor mentioning how her mom was a music teacher and would sing to her all the time. Her mom was sadly murdered a few years ago by an absolute lunatic who was a stranger to her. He knocked on her door and shot her when she answered, completely unprovoked and no personal ties to each other. It just made me so sad to think about the heartache the instructor went through in losing her mom and how I'm sitting in class so lucky to have my baby and be here, alive, singing to her. I don't know, I'm not really articulating my feelings about it well.

Yesterday was also back to school night. I really didn't feel like going and honestly could have skipped it. It wasn't very informative or eye opening. The only thing I learned is how homework will be different this year and that they'll be taking an ass load of tests in 2nd grade. I always start the school year feeling like I dislike everyone for some reason. It takes a few months for me to warm back up to things.

Natalie seems to be doing pretty well. She'll tell me she's sad to go to school but doesn't put up a fight. She was so damn cute and sweet this morning when I went to wake her up. She tiredly said, "I can scratch your back" and began straching. (Scratching her back is something she loves me to do.) Then she asked me if I was cold. I said, "a little tiny bit," and she said, "then here's a little tiny blanket for you," as she covered me with her fuzzy blanket. Next I asked what she wanted me to cook for her for breakfast and she replied, "what's the easiest thing for you to make because I don't want you to work too hard." Omg that little girl! Freaking melts me. Another sweet thing that happened last night was me telling her about Vanessa bopping herself in music class and Natalie got so upset. She started crying and telling me how she didn't like that her sister got hurt. I definitely didn't expect that reaction or I never would have brought it up. I didn't make it into a big deal or horror story either. I just casually told her about it as a cute thing that happened, laughing about it. She is extremely sensitive to getting hurt or others getting hurt but I assumed since she knew everything wa perfectly fine it wouldn't be a thing.

Vanessa has been a bit more high maintenance and fussy the past couple days. She is so dang restless at night and just not sleeping in as long. Today she was wide awake at 6. It's fine because I get up at 6:30 and honestly am usually awake the rest of the day starting at 5 when she wakes for a feeding a squirms around for an hour and a half. I really think some teeth are coming in in addition to her having a slight cold. She is the drooliest and gnaws on fingers and teethers all day. She still only naps when I hold her and only wants to be held when she's awake. It can be challenging to do anything but luckily I don't have much to do. I'm actually writing this blog post via my phone while she's strapped to me snoozing.

My back does start to hurt carrying her weight around all day. I try to go for walks in the morning and look for things to do and errands to run with her. I was feeling somewhat under the weather yesterday but feel a lot better today. It felt like I was coming down with a cold. Right now I'm a bit tired but I can never nap during the day. One other thing going on with me is how my menstrual cycle has changed after baby. It comes every 2 weeks now and is a lot heavier. It's not painful just extremely annoying. I email my doctor but was told it's normal.

Well my fingers are tiring and baby is stirring so you'll have to hear more about my gross bodily functions later.

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