One Month

We can now begin counting in months! Vanessa Nicole is one month old today! She had a check up yesterday and is weighing in at 10 lbs 3.5 ozs (80th percentile) and is 23 inches long (99th percentile). Besides a terrible rash she has on her face, head, back of ears, and chest she is doing great. The doc said it's just a generic rash that babies get. We thought it was heat rash and of course measles crossed my mind too. It seems to flare up and get better at times. We were told to use hydracortisone cream and switch to fragrance free soaps, lotion and detergent.

Sleep has gotten worse for her and us. At night she wants to be on her belly so we have to hold her a lot. She wakes up the second we put her in the crib and fusses/cries. I try soothing her with a pacifier or by touching her but it rarely does any good. I have to pick her back up and hold her for another half hour then try again. Last night I was awake from 4:30-6:30 trying to make her comfortable in the bassinet next to our bed. I would have just put her in bed with us but Natalie had a bad dream and came into our room to sleep right at that time. We have been guilty of falling asleep with her in our arms (Matt has, anyway, I just can't sleep that way) and sleeping with her in our bed. I was so determined she would sleep in her crib before she was born. I am still hopeful and trying. I lie her down for every nap in her crib even if I know she'll wake up to try and train her to sleep there. I don't know if it's even possible to train a baby this young but I am trying. 

Eating is kinda all over the place. She wakes at night to eat every hour-hour and a half. Two hours is a rare stretch that she will go if she's in our bed or arms. We're giving her 3 ozs each feeding but she doesn't always finish it. Sometimes she will finish it and act hungry so we make another bottle and she takes a sip then falls asleep. Sometimes she will eat half of it then fall asleep then wake up 30 minutes late and want the rest. I honestly can't remember if it was like this with Natalie or not. 

Developmentally she seems on par with where she should be, though I don't read much about that kinda stuff. At least not yet. She makes great eye contact and has begun to coo in response to us talking/singing to her. She also smiles quite a bit, especially in the mornings. I swear she does it intentionally even though I know it's way too soon for that. Either way it's really sweet and makes me happy. She also has this adorable quirk of burying her face in between your body and bend in your arm when you hold her so she can fall asleep. Like a little baby mole rat. But more attractive. 

Tomorrow I have my check up. It isn't six weeks postpartum but I assume that's fine. I think I am going to bring up how I've been feeling lately. I find I am super sensitive (that has always been a trait of mine) and am up and down with the anxiety and sad spells. I don't know if I want to go on medication or not. It has been a long time coming to address the issue of me feeling the ways I do sometimes but I don't want the negative side effects pharmaceuticals could bring. I keep telling myself I can deal with it alone but I am also not sure I want to keep doing that. It's a conundrum but I am going to talk about it and weigh my options.