18 March 2019

Possible IUGR

I am no stranger to anxiety. I worry constantly about worse case scenarios and my husband calls me pessimistic. Most my fears I feel are completely rational and are related to something bad happening to someone I love, mostly my children. I have struggled with panic attacks caused by this worry. Most the time everything turns out fine, but bad things happen all the time in the world and I certainly am no exception to that. Life is a complete crapshoot of good or bad luck and you can't pray or wish for the inevitable to happen or not. You can "think positive" or "look on the bright side" but whatever is bound to be will be, your thinking doesn't change that outcome. I can understand why people use a much more upbeat outlook to cope with the unknown. I get the need for people to stay hopeful. Who on earth wants to dwell on what horrible things could go wrong and wallow in fear? It makes so much more sense to just cross the proverbial bridge of all things awful when you get there, I get it. That just simply isn't my approach to life though, so when I feel worried it just takes over and consumes me.

It has been pretty subtle, but I do believe Nugget's movement has decreased over the last couple of weeks. I never got a pattern down or found her extremely active, so it has been really hard to gauge if she really has been less active or if I am just imagining things. I decided today to reach out to my doctor. I emailed her in the morning but as the day went on and I did more and more Google searches the anxiety grew so I called in the afternoon and have an appointment for tomorrow. I could probably shake off the decreased movement as paranoia since again, it's pretty unrecognizable, but I measured myself and there hasn't been a belly increase since my last doctor's appointment four weeks ago. That has me feeling really scared and sad. I'm no medical professional, but I have measured myself accurately various times through this pregnancy (top of pubic bone to top of uterus, which is now about 2.5 inched above my belly button). I am hoping my uterus is actually up higher for some reason and I am completely off with my measurement but I don't think so. I am not feeling good about my appointment tomorrow but there is nothing I can do. I don't know what all - if anything- can be done if there is a problem.

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