Pains and Games

This morning Natalie complained of a sore neck due to sleeping at a funny angle last night (my assumption, she fell asleep with a pillow that has arms and her head hanging over it, something she never does). I decided to let her stay home from school, something I feel was definitely the right decision given how much pain she was in. She had tears in her eyes even after she knew she was staying home, so I know she wasn't hamming it up to play hookie.

As the day went on the neck pain subsided but is still there a bit. We had a lazy morning and then after lunch got some fresh air outside and she rode her bike in the alley. Then she wanted to write down the name of every board and card game we have and put it in a pouch, then pull a name out and play that game. It took us 2 1/2 hours straight to get through all our games but we had fun. We played a very loose version of Scrabble and she kept saying things like, "Oh man, I wish I had a letter T," so I kept giving her the letters I had that she needed. I wasn't paying attention to the words she was making but at the end she showed me that she spelled out, "Mom is the best," and my heart melted. At one point during playing another game she said, "Should I whip us up some PB&J's?!" and I thought that was so cute and sweet that she offered to handle the snacks. After all the game playing we painted a sun catcher and canvas picture together.

Later as I was lying down I felt Nugget get the hiccups for the very first time, something that used to happen all the time when I was pregnant with Natalie. I called Natalie upstairs to feel it and she giggled at each throb. It's funny how Natalie used to get them all the time in utero and still gets hiccups easily to this day if she laughs too hard.

Tomorrow I took off work (Friday's are one of the few days I work) to plan and host another craft party for her class. We are going to make clothespin caterpillar magnets for spring. They're really cute and I did a good job finding a craft that's easy, useful and was on a budget (I only spent like $22 on supplies) so I am pretty proud! Best of all I get some extra time with my girl tomorrow, can't beat that!

Yes, yes I am. ;) 

Hello, Third Trimester!

Time is such a strange and confusing concept sometimes. The older you get the faster it seems to pass and more warped it all seems. Looking back this pregnancy seems to have gone by so fast. There are only 12 more weeks left until my due date. The more uncomfortable I become the more time will slow down I am sure, but in the grand scheme of things 9 months is the blink of an eye

As much as you hope and wish for something to happen you sometimes miss the moments leading up to it all. I don't miss wishing to be pregnant. I don't even necessarily miss the first stages of my pregnancy. I do miss the happy and fun moments of pregnancy, like telling Natalie she's going to be a big sister, finding out she's getting a little sister and feeling my baby kick for the first time though. 

As much as I want to meet my baby I am just happily growing her along and enjoying life as a family of three. I feel guilty on the days I am irritable or too tired to do what Natalie wants to do and sometimes I question what kind of mom I'll be to two kids. I am lucky that Natalie is generally such a good, easy and understanding child. She's only 7 years old though and I can't expect her to not feel sad or neglected when her needs have to come second. 

I feel like I will be able to manage life with two kids okay, but babies are unpredictable and who knows what obstacles lie ahead. It's hard to imagine if I will have more or less energy than I do now with a newborn. My energy levels are definitely decreasing as I get further along this pregnancy. I remember at the end of pregnancy with Natalie I felt so drained. Overall everything with her went well, healthy and relatively easy and so far so good with this one too. I don't have much to update about, just feeling fairly tired most days and my crap back hurting more. 

Rude Comments and Hormones

Officially 2 days away from being in the 3rd trimester! While I am excited to enter the final stages of pregnancy, one thing I am not looking forward to is comments from strangers about my size. I had my first dose of that today, and I didn't even think I was showing THAT much. In fact I sometimes change my clothes looking to accentuate my belly, to look "more" pregnant. So much for that.

Someone asked me if I'm having triplets. Fucking triplets. So unbelievably rude. I was at work and it was a client who asked me, so all I could reply was, "no, just one," and carried on trying not to cry in front of the next guest who heard the whole thing. I was insulted and embarrassed and once everyone left I of course started to cry. I can't imagine how many more comments like this are going to happen in the next 12 weeks as I get even bigger.

I  wish I had a perfect comeback.I wish I weren't bothered by it.  I know it's the hormones making me overly sensitive to it and it shouldn't upset me so much. I should be proud of my big and growing belly and baby. The only person who should ever comment on a pregnant woman's weight is her doctor though.

Natty Update

Since Natalie has started school my schedule has freed up tremendously. If my job had more hours for me I would work more but there just aren't any available hours for me at the salon.

Before Natalie started kindergarten I started applying to various part time retail positions but never heard back from anywhere. My flexibility is pretty limited on when I can work which is probably why I didn't get any responses (because who wouldn't want to hire someone with this sparkling personality?!). I have to be home in time to get her from school at 2:30 and if there are days she's sick or if there is something I can be a part of like a field trip or volunteering in the classroom then I want to be there.

I am not complaining about my abundance of free time, but it does occasionally get lonely and boring. I do keep busy with home projects like cleaning, painting, organizing and such, or by you know, plaguing myself with panic and worry, but those things often get mundane. I could definitely find some more things to do if I really felt like switching things up but that is kind of why I started blogging again- to fill the boredom.

I looked back on past blog entries about Natalie and all the little milestones and updates and I am so glad I documented that stuff. Each post read like a stranger's because I barely remember those challenges or little personality quirks she had. I want to make it a point to keep up to date with how she is growing and ever changing, so here is her 7 1/4 update.

-She is a creative little girl who makes up games all the time. This weekend we went to my twin nieces 3rd birthday party and Natalie cracked open the pinata on her first try. At home she has been putting candy in paper bags and then we take turns whacking the bag open as we pretend we're at a birthday party. She also invented a coin toss game for our birthday party make believe and we won "prizes" which were some jewels that the leprechauns hid on St. Patty's Day.

-She likes making up and writing her own short stories. Last night she created her own book series about a boy named Pink. Around December she made a book called "The Gingerbread Boy" that ended up being about a banana, which I thought was hilarious.

-She's been an only child for a long time and sometimes that shows when she's playing with her friends or cousin. She likes to be in charge and is used to things going her way so she can tend to get pouty and difficult if everyone doesn't agree with her. We're working on that.

-Bedtime is still a challenge after all these years. We used to tuck her in at 8pm and she would roll around in bed for two hours along with finding every excuse under the moon to get up, like needing more water, needing a band-aid for a scrape that happened the day before, having a headache, her tooth being loose, you name it. She struggled so much and though it frustrated me I genuinely felt bad for her because I know how hard it can be to fall asleep. Granted, she wasn't trying very hard but still. I asked her doctor about this and she suggested a later bedtime, some people just need less sleep and she isn't dragging through the day. So now at 8pm she is all settled for bed, teeth brushed, book read but we let her stay up an hour to play quietly. It was working out really well up until the freaking time changed threw her body clock off. We're still in the same routine, but she isn't nearly as tired as she was come lights out anymore so she has started trying to delay bedtime a bit some nights.

-Her demeanor has stayed pretty much the same since she was small: sweet, silly, affectionate and compliant. She is overall such a well behaved, well mannered child. I so enjoy spending time with her. Her and I have a close bond and I laugh when I read how she used to favor Matt when she was a baby. I think I am a pretty balanced mom. She knows I can be fun and we get to do special things together but when I say it's time to listen, it's time to listen. If she does misbehave in a way that requires reprimanding I stick to whatever punishment I give her, like early bedtime, no dessert, etc, even when she starts behaving and I feel guilty sticking to it.

-She is an active, athletic girl who likes trying new games/sports. P.E. is her favorite special in school and she always enjoys whatever activity they do. She has taken a liking to basketball lately and still enjoys gymnastics. I signed her up for try outs for a gymnastics pre-team and she did excellent. It was supposed to begin in summer but they said if she started now, by summer she would be a level 3 and doing competitions. We went to one practice to see how she felt and she decided against joining. The practice was from 4:30-7:30 on a Wednesday night and it wore her out. I was kinda relieved she decided against doing it, gymnastics is such a physically exerting sport and it requires a ton of commitment, from her and our family (twice a week practice and traveling for meets, not to mention it's expensive), plus with a baby on the way now isn't the best time to try and juggle all that. I am glad she gave it a go though and I would support her 100% if her heart were in it, I signed her up just to see where it lead to.

-She is proud of her heterochromia (different colored eyes) and the positive reaction she gets when people notice them. Last year in kindergarten there was an older girl in one of her after school programs that noticed them and said mean things to her about them. She told her they were creepy and not to look at her because they freaked the girl out. Natalie didn't seem too bothered or upset about it and she hasn't mentioned that anyone else has had anything negative to say, but I know more picking on is in her future because of this trait. I just hope I do a good job giving her the confidence she needs to tell those jerks to get lost.

Favorites

Color: Blue

Number: 10 because it's the first double digit number.

Song: Seven Years Old Lucas Graham

Food: Crab

What she wants to be: Teacher

Peace of Mind

I am happy to say that I saw my doctor today, and everything checked out seemingly just fine. She checked the baby's heartbeat and measured me and said it all looked good so that was that.

I was told to do kick counts for reassurance by lying down with no distractions for an hour and see if the baby moves at least four times, or ten times in two hours. If I do not feel those movement in that time frame then I should be seen immediately. She said that at least once a year she has a patient who comes in and says they haven't felt the baby move in two days or so, and then it turns out the baby passed away. She said not to wait because if there is a problem then a baby is better off being delivered super early and being in the NICU than staying in the womb and dying. That breaks my heart so much for those moms, and makes me glad I went to checked out.

I got my Tdap vaccine and did my glucose tolerance test while I was there. Fingers crossed I don't have gestational diabetes! Nugget either really liked the glucose drink or really didn't like it, because she was moving a ton after I consumed it. I'm 27 weeks today and that is mind boggling to me that there are only 13 more weeks left. It still hasn't really sunk in but I can't wait!

Possible IUGR

I am no stranger to anxiety. I worry constantly about worse case scenarios and my husband calls me pessimistic. Most my fears I feel are completely rational and are related to something bad happening to someone I love, mostly my children. I have struggled with panic attacks caused by this worry. Most the time everything turns out fine, but bad things happen all the time in the world and I certainly am no exception to that. Life is a complete crapshoot of good or bad luck and you can't pray or wish for the inevitable to happen or not. You can "think positive" or "look on the bright side" but whatever is bound to be will be, your thinking doesn't change that outcome. I can understand why people use a much more upbeat outlook to cope with the unknown. I get the need for people to stay hopeful. Who on earth wants to dwell on what horrible things could go wrong and wallow in fear? It makes so much more sense to just cross the proverbial bridge of all things awful when you get there, I get it. That just simply isn't my approach to life though, so when I feel worried it just takes over and consumes me.

It has been pretty subtle, but I do believe Nugget's movement has decreased over the last couple of weeks. I never got a pattern down or found her extremely active, so it has been really hard to gauge if she really has been less active or if I am just imagining things. I decided today to reach out to my doctor. I emailed her in the morning but as the day went on and I did more and more Google searches the anxiety grew so I called in the afternoon and have an appointment for tomorrow. I could probably shake off the decreased movement as paranoia since again, it's pretty unrecognizable, but I measured myself and there hasn't been a belly increase since my last doctor's appointment four weeks ago. That has me feeling really scared and sad. I'm no medical professional, but I have measured myself accurately various times through this pregnancy (top of pubic bone to top of uterus, which is now about 2.5 inched above my belly button). I am hoping my uterus is actually up higher for some reason and I am completely off with my measurement but I don't think so. I am not feeling good about my appointment tomorrow but there is nothing I can do. I don't know what all - if anything- can be done if there is a problem.

25 Weeks with Baby Nugget

I am more than halfway through this pregnancy. I feel baby girl kick and move every day. I constantly think about and dream of meeting the little one growing inside me. Yet somehow, someway, it still doesn't feel real. I am still in disbelief at how lucky I am. It's strange to imagine how life will be different in a little over 3 more months. The unknown is a bit scary, but when I picture the future I am mostly just excited about the changes ahead. I can't wait for Natalie to be a big sister and Matt and I to be parents to another child. 

Thus far I have been feeling great, with the exception of my lower back hurting quite frequently. I had a shitty back before I got pregnant that acted up from time to time, so it's not a new problem, just more exacerbated now. The online updates I read say baby is about 13 inches long and 1.5 lbs at this point. It's hard to believe she's that big and only going to get bigger. I know the third trimester is going to kick my ass so I am trying to be as non lazy as possible these days before I am too uncomfortable to be productive. It is nice that I work very part time hours each week, but I keep busy as usual with house work and school stuff for Natalie. 

In April we are planning on going up to NJ for a family wedding shower, and then heading to Ocean City for spring break. It's not a lavish vacation, but I am excited about the family time. Once we're back my boss is planning a salon baby shower for me on April 20th. I feel a little weird about having all eyes on me and the attention makes me a little uncomfortable, but I am happy to be celebrating this special time in my life and of course I appreciate her putting it all together. 

Speaking of putting things together, I have been receiving hand me downs for Nugget (baby girl) like clothes, books, toys and such from friends and family. We are going to be pretty prepared in terms of stuff, I just need to get things organized and set up. The plan is for Nugget to share a room with Matt and I for a few years, and then we can  rearrange things and the girls can share a room. There are definitely pros and cons to having such a large age gap between the kiddos, sharing a room might be one of them. I can see Natalie really wanting her privacy once she hits a certain age but we'll make it work. We have a small house but it's more than a lot of people have and I am more than okay with  getting rid of junk and things to make a better living space.