Christmas 2019

Oh, boy, our first Christmas as a family of 4 is over. Things have been rough these last several days. Vana is sick now. Natalie hasn't gotten better but is up and down. I'm starting to feel crappy. I want my babies to feel better but I'm so glad Matt is here to help.

Apart from that it's been a good Christmas. We went to Matt's moms yesterday for lunch and to open gifts from aunts and uncles and then over to Matt's dad's house for dinner. I showed up late to dinner since Vanessa was finally napping come dinner time. After several presents Natalie was going downhill. Maybe an hour in and she was complaining of ear pain and asking to go home. Once we got in the car she began wailing and howling about the pain. Once home I convinced her to take meds and and put baby oil drops in her ear which she didn't like at first but it helped.

Today we went to my folks house and Vanessa just cried and fussed all day. She took a decent nap but was still cranky when she woke up. I think on top of not feeling well she was overwhelmed and afraid of all the unfamiliar faces and amount of people. We ate and opened presents and had a house full of kids. My twin nieces came, niece and nephew and my two nieces who live there were all present.  Natalie stayed while Matt and I took Vana home. We came back over for leftovers around 7 for dinner and by then Natalie was feeling pretty awful again. She had had medicine a couple hours before too. I'm feeling tired and my throat is sore. My chest feels kind of infected in a way. I'm going to call the doctor tomorrow and ask to bring both girls in. I'm so scared of it turning into something serious like pneumonia.  Merry Christmas.

Half Birthday!

Today is Vana's half birthday! At 6 months old she is sitting independently (started weeks ago), got her first tooth (6 days ago), loves to flap her hands around and bam bam toys, and is super sweet. She isb17.8 lbs (76th percentile), 28.25 inches (>99th percentile) and head circumference is 43.8 cm (89th percentile). She is still waking roughly every 2 hours a night. It's not always to eat, she's sometimes just squirmy and restless and needs to be cuddled. She still wants to be held all day and won't entertain herself much. She isn't babbling at all and is pretty quiet on the cooing front. I brought it up with the doctor today and she gave me a print out of activities to do for her age. I assume this is to stimulate her vocalization. I would feel bad if the reason she weren't babbling is because of a lack of attention but that would be better than something like a developmental delay. Time will tell. Poor girl had to get 4 shots today. 3 vaccines and a flu shot. She took a 3 hour long nap today and come bedtime was fussy and warm. The doctor said a fever and lethargy were expected with the vaccines but Natalie has had a fever since Friday afternoon. I am 90% sure it's the flu based on her symptoms. She is running a high fever around 103, has a runny nose and coughing and is definitely tired and not feeling well. I HOPE so much Vana doesn't get it too. (Or me or Matt but most importantly her.) Tomorrow we plan to go to Matt's dad's house for dinner and presents with my in laws/nephews. Christmas day we plan to go to my parent's. I'm excited to celebrate Christmas as a family of 4 but so worried about how we'll all be doing.

Wishing you all the merriest Christmas and happiest new year!

Not So Great 8

Today my first baby turned 8! I love this girl immensely but sometimes she makes me question how I'll be able to handle the teen years. My lord, the drama and attitude. I  can't help but blame myself and my parenting on it. She is spoiled and it shows with her ungrateful demeanor sometimes. She can be the sweetest thing and say the most heart melting words but when she is getting too much of her way and one thing isn't precisely how she wants it then she has an attitude of life is the worst. I try so hard to make her happy and I think she is way too coddled. I have to crack down on myself as well as her. I didn't want this to be a negative post but that's reality right now. We had a birthday party for her this Sunday with only Matt's family again. I decided I'm done planning family parties bc she started doing things with her friends once kindergarten started but then last year with friends was a shit show so I didn't plan a party with friends this year either. Last year my MIL wanted to make cupcakes and give Natalie presents so we invited Matt's dad and brothers family. This year Natalie asked for that small family party again and my mother in law agreed so I didn't do any work. Our plan in lieu of a party with friends which is expensive and stressful was to take her this coming weekend on a day trip for lunch, ice cream and shopping. Today I gave her an LOL doll in the morning with a pancake breakfast (candle lit and happy birthday sung) then brought her McDonald's for lunch at school. She had a super nonchalant attitude when I showed up for lunch and then acted as if my presence was annoying and embarrassing her. She was just dry and vague when talking to me and then middle schoolers showed up to sing for the kids and spread holiday cheer. I realize now how she wanted to fit in and be cool and having her mom sing and sway around was embarrassing, so I'll forgive her for brushing me aside and telling me to stop on that one,  but before I really didn't do anything but make innocent conversation. She never once said thank you to me and acted entitled. After school she had a long overdue playdate with her best friend. Everything was great and they even went to dinner at IHOP together. When she got home from dinner I asked her to take a picture with Vanessa on her first birthday as a big sister. She agreed but wouldn't look at the camera so I said fine, no picture. I told her to go get ready for bed and she begun arguing with me, saying she was in fact looking for the picture when she definitely wasn't. From there the night just went down hill over NOTHING. I was picking up her room and told her not to rip up tiny pieces of paper and leave them on the ground (she makes various "crafts" and such) and she sassed me  and told me today was the worst birthday. I said, "great" because I can't tell you the number of conversations I've had about gratitude and appreciating what you have with her. A lengthy battle to get her to bed ensued and the night ended on a sour note with Matt and I telling her our weekend birthday plans are off unless her behavior changes and is immaculate the rest of the week. It's such a bummer and so frustrating to have a day like this, especially one that is special. It was her choice to behave the way she did and I am holding her accountable.  I have such a fear of her turning into a spoiled, rotten, ungrateful, entitled, rude human being. I don't think 7.5 years of being an only child did me any favors with that. Overall of course she is a good kid and I'm proud. She is getting older though and it's time to really address any poor behavior. Parenting can be challenging and I don't even know the right way to go about addressing the issue.

Thanksgiving 2019

One of the best Thanksgivings is in the books! We took our first family vacation as a family of 4.

Five Months

Vanessa is five months old today! I can't believe she's 5 months and I can't believe I've managed to continue with the monthly photos and blog posts!

Life's been busy and a bit stressful. Much more settled than my previous post, thankfully. I'm not as high strung as I was. I honestly think I was just PMS'ing when it felt like everything hit the fan. I'm off the Zoloft because it made me horribly dizzy. I switched to Wellbutrin but that too made me dizzy so for a week now I've been completely off of meds. I feel okay. Perhaps a bit weepier than when I was taking it. I really think it helped with my PMS though, big time.

I know a lot of people frown upon needing medication as a crutch but if you felt like I did or even had to deal with me you would understand. Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately) I physically can't tolerate it it seems.

Alright, that's the 5 month update on the postpartum bit. Now let's talk about the beautiful baby girl I have!

Vanessa is growing like a little blossoming flower! She got her first ear infection and I took her to the doctors on the 18th and she measured 27.5 inches, which is almost an inch and a half worth of growth in 4 weeks!

The ear infection doesn't seem to bother her too much (or maybe it does, it's so hard to figure babies out) but the antibiotics are messing with her gut. Bad diarrhea and she seems to be uncomfortable at night, waking frequently.

She's not super keen on solids, except she seemed to like peaches but it's hard to find baby food for her because everything is a combination of various fruit/veggie mixes and she's only supposed to have one food at a time.

I am 99% sure she learned to roll from belly to back yesterday! I wasn't paying too much attention because when she allows me to put her down I am trying to get things done or just have a minute to myself but she was definitely on her belly then I looked and she was back on her back. My mother in law had the same thing happen today when she wasn't paying attention either.

That's all I have the energy to write or think about for now. I felt like there was so much more to talk about but I can't think.

Happy 5 months, sweet girl!

Stress

The stress of being a mom to two children has set in and I'm beginning to lose my cool. Vanessa has been such hard work lately. Not only does she require being held ALL day but she wants constant stimulation. She's just fussy no matter what and naps are my only relief but she's not a good napper. It's put me on edge with Natalie and definitely Matt. I feel frustrated with him that he's always in the basement working or that he stays up later and sleeps in later or that I am constantly juggling everything with the kids and homelife and he's always forgetting everything I ever tell him ever. With Natalie I lose my patience since I have to repeat myself to her 100 times and then get snappy with her for not listening, causing her to get snappy back, causing me to get even more angry. Add a crying baby and busy husband to it all and it's just a recipe for a strenuous situation. I don't get to get much done in a day and it's a struggle to even keep up with basic house cleaning and having a clean house is something that helps me feel less stressed and more on top of things. The guilt for getting upset with my children for being children is awful and losing my patience is something I can never take back. I'm so lucky to be the mom to these girl's though. They're amazing.  Natalie is such a mature and understanding girl. Last night I was apologizing to her for being so impatient lately and she said, "it's okay, I know Vanessa cries a lot and Daddy works all the time and you get frustrated, that's why I want to help out and watch Vanessa so you can nap." And she does. She does help out so much.  I would never put the responsibility of taking care of her sister on her but every day after school she asks to take the baby into her room and play with her. She'll have me give her toys, diapers and a bottle and she'll entertain Vanessa for a half hour or so. I'm so lucky and feel like a bad mom when I can't handle my girls.  Thank goodness for the forgiving nature Natalie has towards me.

Countdown to 8

Exactly one month left of having a 7 year old! Natalie is such an amazing little girl. She's so funny and silly and clever and smart. She is also dramatic and whiny and negative at times, like all kids. She is the BEST big sister in the world, hands down.

I was lucky enough to attend her class STEAM party today and it was fun! I was glad to be at her school, seeing her class and being in the presence of her classmates and teacher. It was a good time.

Halloween 2019

Vanessa's first Halloween and Natalie's eighth are in the books! Whew I'm glad it's over. It was stressful trying to get ready and things done and prepared before trick or treating and then it was challenging and stressful actually trick or treating.  Vanessa has been in a cranky mood, I know she's not feeling well but I don't know what it is. So she wants to be held even more nonstop than before, which is literally I cannot put her down for but 5 minutes before she yelps. Anyway Natalie had a good time. I promised her we could bake muffins, do crafts, order pizza and watch a movie in addition to going out around the neighborhood. I felt really rushed and pressured to get out of the house and go trick or treating though, because the weather was calling for intense rain in addition to a tornado warning. I struggled to get anything done today and when Vanessa finally took a decent nap I did too. When she woke up it was all high maintenance. We didn't bake muffins or do crafts (Natalie didn't even ask thankfully) because there was no time to. I took the girl's  around starting at 5 and it was a slow start since most people weren't even home. We visited my mother in law and Natalie got some special goodies from her and Vanessa got a teething toy. We met up with Nats best friend and some other neighbors and walked around. Soon the group grew and I was trying not to run the stroller into people. Vanessa got cranky and I had to carry her so my neighbor kindly offersd to push the stroller. Matt joined us after an hour or so and then we walked around for maybe 45 minutes before heading to his dads house where Natalie got a special card from him and one for my nieces who didn't  make it. Then we headed home, ordered pizza and watched part of A Nightmare Before Christmas. (Well Natalie watched it, that movie makes me feel sick it's so weird and I hate the claymation.)  Tomorrow is Natalie's school "character parade " and I am getting off early to attend that even though it's not a big deal. I know she would be disappointed to not have me there even though my mother in law would go. The things I do for her. Not that I mind getting off work 2 hours early, but I could use that money.  Oh well, some things are more important, even if Natalie doesn't understand I'm kinda going out of my way to do this.

Happy Halloween!

Multicultural Night

Each year since Natalie started kindergarten her school has what they call multicultural night. It's a night for families to come together to share their cultural backgrounds with the community. This was our first year participating in the event and we brought all the Ukrainian culture with us!

Along with our project containing her paternal family tree and facts on the country, we brought pierogies for everyone to try that were made by the Ukrainian Embassy and sold at the Ukrainian Church in D.C. (the church Matt was an alter boy at as a child). Natalie wore a beautiful vyshyvanka style dress that was handmade in Ukraine (folklore believes the embroidery of crosses, especially in black and red on clothing protected against evil spirits that caused the black plague) and we brought a wooden replica of a pysanky (Ukrainian Easter egg) along with some other Ukrainian knickknacks to show. You could even meet and talk to someone who is 100% Ukrainian, as my wonderful father in law attended and helped us out with the whole thing! It was fun working on the project and teaching (as well as learning myself) about where some of Natalie's ancestors came from and parts of their story and culture and customs!

There were a ton of people like with all events at the school and it was a little overwhelming at times, especially with a fussy baby. Luckily my mother in law and her sister who's visiting town showed up and took over caring for Vanessa. My father in law was there to served the perogies he brought. He highly enjoys feeding people, so I think he was a little disappointed that the table next to us (Poland) was serving perogies too and were more forward with handing them out. 

Before the poster board gets lost or ruined, I'd like to document the family history elsewhere. Here's my father in laws parent's and grandparent's story: 

Paul and Catherine Matichok were born in Ukraine in the 1880's. It's unknown what year they arrived in America but Paul arrived first. Catherine came years later and never spoke English very fluently. They settled in Ranshaw, PA (115 5th Street) and had 6 children, including their 4th child, Anna. Catherine was a homemaker and Paul worked as a coal miner until a mining accident crushed his legs and left him handicapped. Catherine had to work odd jobs, like cleaning a restaurant for .25 cents while their large family also helped support them. (These are Matt's grandmother's parent's.)

Wasil and Eva were both born in 1890 in Ukraine. Wasil arrived in Ellis Island, NY in 1914 and Eva shortly followed. Their last name was something along the lines of Plyzlak before being Americanized to what it is today upon coming to America. They settled in Wilburton, PA (324 East 3rd Street). Wasil was a coal miner and Eva a homemaker to 5 children, including their 3rd son, Mike. (These are Matt's grandfather's parent's.) 

Mike and Anna were born 2 days apart in September 1920. They married February 15th, 1940 and settled in the same town Anna was born in. Like his father Mike was a coal miner. Anna worked in a t-shirt factory before having 4 children, 3 boys and 1 girl. Mike fought in WWII and was captured by the Germans and held as a POW for several months. Mike passed away in July 1980 and Anna passed away 26 years and 2 days apart from Mike in July 2006. 

Robert Paul (Bob) was born in Shamokin, PA in December 1950. He begun a career early on as a brick layer. He met his wife Linda in high school and they married at the young age of 20 years old. Bob moved to Arlington, VA in 1970 and lived with his sister Carol for a couple of years before moving to Alexandria. He started his family of two boys and is now the proud Pap-Pap to 4 grandchildren!

4 Months

Happy 4 months, little love! Omg, this little girl makes my heart burst with love and joy. She. is. the. best. Every day is full of smiles and she is starting to giggle more each day. 

She had her check up on Monday and is growing well and seems to be on par with her milestones. Hell, she's even ahead of the game with the rolling from her back to belly. She's the youngest in her music class and one of the only ones who can do that. She is 15 lbs 12 ozs  (72nd percentile), 26.3 inches (99th percentile) and her head circumference is 41.3 centimeters (73rd percentile). At the 2 month check up I was concerned that her head measurement was slowing down but we're back where we need to be. 

She has begun making growling sounds, especially when she is starting to get a bit upset. She still drools like a faucet is turned on. One new thing is she has really been into is studying her hands in the last day or so. She'll have her thumb folded in between her middle and ring fingers and bring her hand up to eye level and look at it. She's still extremely gassy to the point it wakes her up at night. She sometimes cries because of it too. 

She tried pureed bananas yesterday for the first time. She didn't have a huge reaction to them, was just kind like huh, bananas. She is working on her career as a contortionist. Every time I put her in one of her chairs she bends in half and leans all the way over. Even though shes strapped in it still freaks me out a bit. Today she dropped a toy and leaned forward like she was going after it. Could just be coincidental. She is getting good at reaching for things and hand control. 

Her favorite book is Never Touch a Monster, a colorful, textured book our neighbors gave us. Her favorite song is Elvis's Love Me Tender. It always calms her down and she just listens. 

I can't get enough of her and she needs us like crazy. She still won't let me put her down during the day but we manage just fine most the time. 

Belly Laughs

When Natalie was 3 months old we were lucky enough to capture her first laugh on video. Somehow we discovered that the zipper on one of her sleep sacks made her go nuts. Vanessa is no stranger to a giggle and she is certainly so smiley but I have been waiting for her to crack up the way Natalie did the first time she laughed. Today we got to experience as a family her infectious belly laughter. It was so sweet and funny. Natalie was home sick from school, we all have been under the weather actually. Natalie coughed and that made Vanessa laugh like crazy. I called Matt up from the basement where he was working and told him to videotape. I can't stop watching this, it's the best!

Beam of Light

A year ago today I woke up feeling nauseous (after a few glasses of wine the night prior but not enough to justify feeling sick). I got a sneaking suspicion that I should take one of my many pregnancy test strips. I did and saw the absolutely faintest second line. I was so happy and scared of having another chemical pregnancy/miscarriage.

All that is history though and look where we are today with this precious girl who is a beaming ray of love and light!

She is just the best. She may require all my time and attention all day long but she is so loving and sweet. Her smile is the best feeling and I hope she never runs out of them. She has discovered how to get her feet in her hands and sometimes mouth. She must drool the equivalent of a swimming pool each day. She also learned to blow spit bubbles with her drool when she coos and she loves doing that.

Bangs

When I was in middle school I impulsively cut myself bangs. They came out fuck up and it was really embarrassing. Well I recently impulsively had a coworker cut bangs for me and I love em! I'm really feeling myself these days in terms of looks and how I feel/who I'm becoming. 

First Church Visit

Like I mentioned before Natalie has been asking me about attending church. My niece Bridget spent the night last night, so that has them really put on the pressure to make sure I made good on my word about going. This morning we went to a service at a church right by my house. It is a small, cute little church. I thought I would feel a bit more awkward than I did but everyone was super welcoming and I didn't feel too out of place. It's been a long time since I have been to church and I was not raised in any certain religion. In fact, I have never been to church with my family. We were not religious at all. My maternal grandma however is quite religious. The times I have gone to church when I was younger were with foster families, or on my own with a friend. I lost my beliefs as I got older, but that doesn't mean I will prevent my daughter from exploring religion. I will gladly teach her as best as I can about any religion she would like but most importantly I will try to teach her to be a good person whether she belongs to a congregation or not.

Lessons

Update as of 10/5/19: Thanks to posting about the incident on NextDoor I found out who the woman is, last name and all. She's been crazy to others, though I didn't get specifics. She unfortunately lives right by the playground. Oh and he's something really fun, she's a client at the salon I work at. My sister even remember who she is from when she came in and said she's a weirdo.

I don't talk about it too much but I love the neighborhood I live in. We're close to family, it's a relatively crime free area, I love Natalie's school, she's got several friends who are our neighbors and there's a playground right around the corner. A playground we've been going to for forever that I've posted pictures at and talked about right here on my blog. A nice, safe place to be.

Well the other night some lunatic turned the playground into her own personal space to verbally assault me in front of my children. It was 20 minutes past 7 pm and the sun was set so it was dark. Natalie was having fun as Matt chased her around. I had just fed Vanessa so wasn't rushing them but we were wrapping things up. Out of nowhere came this middle aged woman who approached us and asked if we were leaving soon. Matt told her we were. She said, "Oh good," and the inflection in her voice pissed me off. She started on her way but I couldn't just let it be. I said, "Why do you care?" and she walked back, right up to me and ranted on about the playground being closed at dark and us being loud. I told her to get over it and started walking away as she shouted, "You can go fuck yourself, bitch!" I walked right back up to her and sternly said, "Do not talk to me like that in front of my daughter." She replied, "I don't give a fuck about your daughter!" I don't know what I said back but I lost my shit. She started saying more awful things, like telling Matt to "get your dog on a leash," It took EVERYTHING in me to not physically attack her. As I type this now my blood is starting to boil all over again. Matt got between us and told her off too. I don't know what all he said because it didn't really register to me in the heat of it all.

After everything calmed down and we were back home Matt told me he was disappointed in how I reacted. I tried justifying it to him but I ended up just saying, "you're right," and moving on. He is right. I set a bad example for my daughter by responding to this crazy person and I probably shouldn't have even said anything to begin with at all. I have flaws I need to work on, anger and reacting is one of them. Anyone can react with hate in that kind of situation. It takes a strong woman to walk away and keep things peaceful. I failed at teaching my daughter how to be a better person when faced with someone who is intent on causing drama.

I hope to get my problems in check and become the best version of myself for my children. I am grateful for seeing my faults and the things I need to work on. In time I do hope to be able to not even be phased much by people who are dicks. Or to just be able to respond with composure and kindness. I want to be able to say I wish the best for the woman who verbally assaulted me and that I hope she gets help and works on herself too but seriously, fuck that bitch. Maybe her lesson learned will be the hard way when she curses out the wrong person. 

Daughters Day

I have no idea who decided it, and I would have no way of knowing without social media, but apparently today is National Daughter's day. I made sure to confirm by Googling at as well. That's how you know it's not a totally made up holiday. 

I celebrated by taking the girls to the bookstore, playground and then out to dinner like we usually do on Wednesdays with Matt's dad. I also snapped this amazingly cute photo of the girls.

 I know I say it non-stop but I really am so lucky that I have these precious children. I feel like they are best friends in the making, despite how completely opposite they seem to be. They look completely different. Personalities are different so far too. Vanessa is super smiley and Natalie was always very serious as a baby. Their sleep habits are different too. Natalie was always very hard to get to go to sleep, but was a deep sleeper. She would go to bed late (not because we wanted her to) and sleep in very late. Vanessa is much easier to get to go to sleep, but is an extremely light sleeper and wakes easily. She goes to bed earlier and wakes earlier too (partially because of our schedules but she just doesn't sleep in like Natalie used to). They really do seem to be made for each other though. Vanessa loves to be entertained all the time and Natalie loves to perform so it makes my life that much easier. :) 

I love these girls so much and what a treasure having daughters is to me. 

3 Months

Starting when Vanessa was about a month old I started having "baby fever" again. I know that sounds absurd and if I were someone else and heard that I would think the person feeling that was a bit looney. 

It was just so sweet and the best feeling having a newborn baby and I felt the sense of "I want more." 

That feeling has dissolved. In fact, I can't really picture balancing life with 3 kids. My two girls keep me busy enough. On top of that, Vanessa demands loads of constant attention. She is becoming quite high maintenance. Lately if she's not being held she will just fuss. She really just wants to be held and walking around all day long. Sometimes even if I'm holding her I can't even sit down without her cranking.

All this is on top of her being a challenging sleeper too. She naps so much better if she's strapped to me all day. If she isn't being held the absolute longest she will nap is an hour. Sometimes it's only a 15-20 minute catnap. When she is cuddled up with me she will sleep up to 3 hours. I enjoy the long naps but I can't get much done. But I am not complaining! Long naps are so welcomed. At night she is still waking about 3-4 times. I think we may be working our way to consistent 3 hour stretches of sleep per night though (knock on wood). 

I weighed her and measured her so I'm not sure how accurate it was but she's around 14 lbs and 24 inches long. 

Window Shopping

Usually weekends are reserved for doing family things, all four of us together. It can be a huge challenge trying to allot time for yourself, your partner, and your children individually. Vanessa gets plenty of one-on-one time with me and is probably too young to truly appreciate the undivided attention I give to her all day. 

Now that football season has begun again, Matt is content just hanging out at the house on Sundays and watching that. I have to let him have his down time too, even though it's so not my preferred way to spend the day. Anyway, I decided to use him watching football as an excuse to take Natalie out, just the two of us.

She is such a perfect mix of sporty and girly. She will play sports all day long and loves a physical challenge, but she adores shopping and accessories and girly things. I love that. 

We mostly window shopped but I did buy her Dippin Dots ice cream, something she has been wanting to try for a while now. We walked around the mall for about three hours, and I'm pretty sure she would have loved to keep going to a few more stores. One really fun thing that she got to try was a virtual roller coaster. She paid for it with her own money that she made selling lemonade and that my father-in-law gave for one of her silly monthly birthdays, and she said it was worth the money. It was $20 for maybe 10 minutes but she said she would have paid 50, even 100.

We went to a jewelry store and Kate Spade, and she checked the prices of everything. She is such a price conscious person. She will ponder a buying decision and weigh her options to figure out what gets her the most bang for her buck. Not that I was going to buy her anything in any of those stores, I just think it's cute how she will see the price tag of something and say, "wow that's super overpriced" or "oh, that's a pretty good deal." My mother-in-law tells the story of how when Natalie was little and they went to the Dollar Store Natalie asked, "Mam Mam, where's the clearance section?" because everything being $1 was a bargain enough.

 Another thing that was really funny to me was she asked me what they sell at Victoria's Secret. I told her underwear and bras and she said, "oh I thought it was-" and then I jokingly interjected "secrets?!" She laughed and said, "well they kind of are secrets, because no one sees them." She is just such a fun, funny, silly, sweet, smart, witty little girl. 

We had such a good time together and she was in a great mood the whole time. Even when we got home and I had to repeat myself asking her to do things, instead of getting sassy that I got frustrated a bit she was apologetic. 

I really truly hope that her and I can always remain close. I fret about how things between us will change as she gets older and becomes a teenager. I know she won't always want to spend so much time with me, and I'll certainly be her last choice to hang out at the mall with one day. I just really want her to be able to talk to me and know that I've got her back and will love and support her no matter what.

Soccer Mom

Natalie had her first soccer game today and did awesome! She passed the ball, scored a goal and had so much fun! 

I volunteered to bring snacks for the team and felt like what I brought was frowned upon. I heard someone comment on how the chocolate granola bar things weren't great for a hot day. It's true I guess and it wasn't what she said but the condescending, snarky way she said it. You better believe if I had a rude ass comment to retort with I would have. It just reinforces why I start off the year hating everyone and why I don't have any mom friends. I'm way too sensitive about this but I did something nice and thought the stupid organic bars I brought along with the popcorn would appease the stuck up crowd. It wasn't candy or potato chips so fuck off. Also, I'm poor and spent $20 on snacks, that's over an hours worth of my life in pay.

Anyway, my parents and niece showed up to the game and I appreciated that! We then went back to my folks house for lunch and Natalie played and played with her cousin. Good day, even though I let a small remark get to me! I think I'll look into purchasing a little pop up shade for future games, it was hot and shade was scarce.