Observations

Today was another unseasonably warm day and after I had my very eager father in law watch Natalie while I got my hair done, her and I took a little walk. She fell asleep as soon as I started walking so I figured my lazy ass would just sit on a bench in the park and creepily watch the kids there play for 45 minutes. As I was observing, I started thinking about how intimidating the playground actually is. It's just a melting pot of social awkwardness. All the women there are either foreign nannies or extremely judgmental looking white women wearing designer sunglasses and drinking Starbucks. It appears as though they have their little cliques where they probably stand around bragging about their kids achievements and try to outdo each other in every aspect of parenting. For all I know they could be really nice and I know I'm the one being judgmental here. It's just that they're a lot older than me (looking like I'm 12 years old doesn't help) and I'm worried once our kids do interact that they'll look down on me. Some older moms feel like younger moms should have waited to be more financially settled or "lived" a little more and therefore frown upon them. I know it seems a bit ridiculous to be so worried about things that haven't even happened and may not happen but I can't help it. Whatever. I know I made the right decisions in life. I know I'm just as responsible and fit to be a mother as them, despite my age. I don't feel like I'm missing out on a thing, except maybe a good friend with children to accompany me to the park and give dirty looks to snotty people.

Sweet Baby

Eight Sundays ago I gave birth to my beautiful daughter Natalie. In all honesty, it feels a lot longer than eight weeks but not necessarily in a bad way. Her little personality is beginning to bud as she smiles and coo's more and more every day. She seems pretty laid back and likes sitting in her car seat or boppy pillow, chillin'. Matt's parents are absolutely in love with her. They even fuss about who gets to hold her first when we visit and spoil her with love and affection. Her sleeping schedule still has no pattern but I really can't complain. She's taking shorter naps during the day, it still can be a little tricky to initially get her to sleep at night but once she's out she just wakes up to eat and goes right back down. Her eye color is a bit of a mystery. In natural light they look very blue/grey but inside they're much darker. Some angles they even look hazel. The nurses in the hospital said by six weeks we should know the color but I read they can change up to one year. I even had a friend who's cousin had blue eyes and at age seven they turned brown. Weird. Anyway, that about sums everything up. I can't wait for more milestones like crawling and babbling!

A Little Bit of Controversy

When I read Jamie from For Love of Cupcake's post about how becoming pregnant changed her viewpoint on abortion, I decided that I wanted to share my own thoughts on this. So, whether you agree or not, here is where I stand:

One of the most heated and controversial discussions is whether or not abortion is ethical. There are so many different arguments from either side of the debate with valid points. 

I will admit that before I got pregnant I was mainly pro-choice, though I thought it was only okay in the very early stages. I had very little understanding of just how fast a fetus grows and thought that the tissue and cells growing inside the mother in the first trimester were just a blob of unformed life- not really a human yet- more fish like. This sounds terrible but I also thought that in some cases where a mother was so unfit to raise a child, she would almost be doing society and the unborn a favor by not bringing another person into the world.

Once I was pregnant and went in for my first sonogram around five weeks I saw a tiny beating heart and was amazed. It was crazy to me that this major organ was functioning so soon. I read weekly about each limb growing, how the brain was developing and all the facial features forming. I realized what a great responsibility the ability to reproduce was. It isn't a woman's "choice" to do with her body what she wants when we're talking about another life involved.

It's a grim reality that there are awful, awful people who abuse their children and treat them poorly. Ignorant people reproduce everyday. It's not fair to not give those babies a chance though. Some of the brightest and most successful people grew up in horrible circumstances. Who is to judge who can thrive and in what environment?

Pregnancy was one of the most amazing life experiences and I enjoyed it so much. I feel every woman should be fucking ecstatic about it. It's left me with a new found respect for human life. We all know how babies are conceived and we all know how to prevent it. If unprotected sex to you is worth the risk of getting pregnant then you need to be adult enough to deal with the consequence. If you don't feel you have the means to support your child then there is always adoption. Some people aren't fortunate enough to have what you've taken for granted.

 Can't imagine life without her.

How the Cookie Crumbles

Did you guys know that the Cookie Monster doesn't eat cookies anymore?

He eats fruits and vegetables. I just found this out yesterday.

I think I speak for most children in America when I say that's horseshit. Children use that kinda language, don't they?

 I never watched Sesame Street growing up (probably why I use words like horseshit) so don't think this rant is because of an emotional tie to my deprived childhood or anything. I just think that it's ridiculous how politically correct everything has to be.

Yes, he has an unhealthy addiction to sweets. Last time I checked most children treat sugar like crack anyway. Sweet, delicious crack.

Isn't it the parents responsibility to keep the goods out of the house or limit how much their child consumes? Isn't it the parents job to make sure their kid is out playing instead of watching TV?

Sure, he still has cookies as a "sometime" snack. He also occasionally eats inanimate objects. Isn't that even less healthy? If we really want to get  into Sesame Street teaching kids bad habits let's talk about Elmo speaking in third person all the damn time!

Back to work

Today was unexpectedly my first day back at work and I feel a little guilty saying this but it felt good to be back. I wasn't suppose to go back until the 19th but a co-worker needed me to fill in so I did. Everyone was so happy to see me and I actually missed them a little. I didn't realize how much everyone likes me (or at least pretends to) until today. It was nice to interact with other adults and nice to have different responsibilities throughout the day. Today was also Matts first day with the baby without me there, but  he spent the day at his parents. He did well but Natalie was pretty fussy all day, which is strange since she is usually so calm during the day. I'm wondering if any moms have some advice on cranky babies? She will usually sleep so great during the day (with the exception of today, coincidentally while I was at work) and then at night she seems to either be really uncomfortable or just trying to fight going to bed. I can't figure out why. Should I try and keep her awake during the day? If she's tired she's tired and I feel bad trying to keep her up which usually leads to her being cranky anyway. I know I can't necessarily get her on a schedule this early but I wish it weren't such a struggle to get her to sleep at night.

My mother in law texted me this picture today. She looks so long! I swear she grew while Mommy was away.

Mommy/Baby time

You know your life is pathetic when you blog about walking, but that's what we did today therefore that's what you'll hear about. It's been a very mild winter with the exception of a few days and today was so nice out that I couldn't pass it up, so me and baby went for our first walk alone as mother and daughter. We just waked through the park and  around the neighborhood but damn it felt good to get out of the house. Natalie is only a month old so she doesn't have strong reactions to things yet, but in my opinion she loved it. (In my opinion she also thinks I'm the most awesome mom ever, but that one I'm more sure of.)

One Month Old

Today is Natalie's one month birthday! She decided to celebrate by crying all day, not sleeping and constantly needing to be bounced. It was a rough day but Mommy's going to go celebrate by downing a fifth of Vodka. ;-) (Winky faces mean I'm joking. Don't call CPS on me.) Anyway, happy one month birthday little baby.

 Born December 4th, 2011

Four Weeks, One Day

Life has been very uneventful for me the past few weeks and I am becoming more settled. There is no schedule or routine whatsoever but daily life is the same each day just at different times. She still sleeps a lot through the day but now she always wants to be held so it's impossible for me to get anything done. When she's not sleeping she wants me to bounce her on my knee or play a game called, "Guess what Baby wants" where nothing seems to please her for too long. She is a lot more high maintenance and fussy than in her younger days. There is not much of an eating pattern either. Sometimes she'll drink two ounces every three hours, then two hours later she wants four ounces, then wakes up an hour later and drinks another two ounces. At night when she sleeps she constantly grunts and sounds really uncomfortable. It's hard to sleep when you think your baby is going to wake up at any second because she isn't happy. I think it's just tummy issues linked to gas. She'll be fine once I pick her up and hold her but the second I put her down she squirms around and makes noise. We gave her her first bath tonight. I took pictures but feel a little weird posting those. I know four weeks seems like a long time for a first bath but we had to wait until her cord fell off and then finished healing. We had been giving her sponge baths til this point. She didn't mind being bathed and really didn't make a peep the whole time. Speaking of noise, two days ago she seemed to be very responsive to my mother in law while she was talking to her and she cooed and smiled back. Twice today she did this with me. It was so heart warming. I can't wait til she babbles more and is aware of the world around her. Right now she just stares off at shiny objects and seems fascinated in things that only someone on hallucinogens would find interesting. She can be a lot of work but I love my new job as a mom. She is a great deal cuter than my legitimate boss and smells better too. (For real.) I don't look forward to going back to work, that's for sure. Better soak up these next two weeks because they are going to fly by fast!