22 December 2011

Relationships: Ex's

How do you define knowing someone? Is it because you make small talk with them at work everyday, or let them vent to you when they’re in one of those moods, or know their favorite song is “Womanizer” because, shamefully, they are not embarrassed to belt it out in front of you? When do we lose sight of our friendships and start becoming different people? When we lose connection for six months? Have a baby? Get married? Go through hardships? When are we suppose to rekindle a lost relationship and try to make up for the time spent apart? When do we decide we care enough to try and get it back, instead of leaving it preserved as a memory in the past? What about past loves? Clearly there is a definite point when the intimacy deteriorates and things are “over.“ So why is it people feel the need to check up on their ex’s and drop in to say hello? To see where they are today? Because there is some feeling left? To see if (and secretly wish) you did, in fact, leave a giant void in their life that no one else has been able to fill? Is it REALLY because there is some deep connection that is worth a friendship? Do you have a point to prove that you're better off without them? Relationships are fragile. Ex's only make things awkward when someone in the relationship is willing to feed into whatever motives the evildoer is hiding. (Yes, ex's are "evildoers".) Still, there are so many questions that follow an ex's reappearance and I am not convinced people are above suspicion. Why leave any room for questioning and jealousy at the expense of your now partner? Everyone says how important trust is in a relationship but chances are your better half is going to feel rejected and like second choice if you continue to correspond with an ex. From the very beginning my husband and I knew it couldn’t work if past flames were involved in any way, even in the form of an occasional text message or email. This was the easiest thing for me to do because I was enamored with my husband. Completely fascinated. I mean stalker type obsessed. It was a little disturbing. I’m sure not all relationships are off to the same start as mine and certainly everyone isn’t as psychotic as me. Still, not everyone shares the same views on relationships as I do. This is shocking, because I have some great ideas on how one should sufficiently function. The only thing to do is ignore and dismiss any encounter an ex tries to make with you, unless you are not satisfied with your current attention situation and need extra. In that case, you should consider re-living your bar hopping glory days and forget about anything serious.

6 Thoughts :

AEG December 22, 2011 at 8:41 PM  

I sort of agree with you... I don't have any exs so its not a problem on my end. As for my H we are close friends with one of his ex's who was my roommate and she's now engaged anyway. But, he has absolutely no contact with his other ex and some other girls he was involved with romantically.

Venassa December 22, 2011 at 9:53 PM  

I'm not sure where I stand on exes. I dont like the thought of cutting them out of my life, because they were once such a big part of it but really that's probably the best way to go. I once really liked a guy who's ex had just broken up with him. We had a friends with benefits type of relationship for years, and basically the entire time he was still in love with his ex. So if a guy seems to have any interest at all left in the ex, it freaks me out.

marie December 23, 2011 at 12:11 AM  

I don't talk to my ex because it was a long serious relationship. However I just sent my husabnd's ex and her family a Christmas card. I don't have a jealous bone in my body and I completely trust him. If I wasn't okay with it I would let him know and expect him to respect my feelings. If you're married you pretty much need to do what your spouse wants. This should all be talked about before you get married preferably.

Sara December 23, 2011 at 1:00 AM  

my thoughts are exes are ex for a reason. keep the focus on your current relationship and keep the past where it belongs- in the past.

Marjorie December 23, 2011 at 8:23 AM  

whoa, deep stuff. like it. i totally agree that contacting exes after your married via text, call, e-mail is out of the question. nothing good can come from it. i do think it's better to maintain a "friendly" relationship if it's someone you'll have to see on occasion or else it's so awkward. in general i try to avoid running into those people though.

Anonymous December 28, 2011 at 2:38 PM  

That was a very brave and bold post. I thought you asked some really good questions. Unfortunately, I'm not sure I have the answer to any of them - but ya definitely got me thinking!!

(But don't start stalking me or anything, K?)