21 October 2011

WTF?! Friday

 I think this is going to be a great weekend! Already I'm off to a good start. My co-worker brought me a bagel sandwich and frozen orange juice from Dunkin' Donuts and I'm so glad she did because I was starving. The cereal and muffin I ate just didn't satisfy. So nice of her! Plus, this Sunday is my baby shower hosted by my mother in law and brother in laws girlfriend! Can't wait! I hope everyone has a great weekend. :)

I was sick in bed all last weekend and all of Monday. No, no, don't feel sorry for me. It was an educating experience. Trash T.V. can teach you so much. I learned that  none of the three men tested for Keisha's baby on the Maury show were actually the father but if it wasn't any of them then she knew who it was. Then DR. Drew came on and the subject of the show was fetishes. I don't care what weird, kinky things people do in the bedroom but this was particularly fascinating. Men would pay a 550 lb. woman who goes by "Massive Mocha" to "squash" them. Squashing is when Mocha puts all 550 lbs of her loveliness on their chest or face and suffocates them until they signal her to stop. One man broke his ribs and still went back for more. They would also pay her to do things like stomp on food or sit on and pop balloons. And I thought people into sucking toes were strange. WTF?!

Newborn babies have to sleep with little mittens similar to socks on their hands to keep their sharp, demon like claws from scratching their precious little faces. This is usually only for the first month or so.When I was visiting my sister and her kids, my 29 month old niece was napping. With socks on her hands. Because she put them there and then fell asleep. I don't need to say more.

My giant belly has finally forced me into buying maternity jeans. I was excited when I saw a coupon for $10 off your purchase at a maternity store in my October/November pregnancy magazine. Then I looked at the expiration date. September 30th. Now, I'm no genius but when I think about it hard September is not October or November. Freaking cheapskates. WTF?!

It’s not only crazy girlfriends that try and kill their significant others but crazy wives will too. A Washington state woman took a power saw to her husbands neck while he was asleep. Like any man who wasn’t drugged or knocked out prior, he awoke and went bizerk. (I really hope I’m not co-conspirating to any future murders by throwing in there that he wasn’t drugged or knocked out.) She denied the proof and evidence that she tried to harm her husband and says she only had the saw because there was an intruder trying to escape through her daughters window. All evidence says otherwise and police aren’t buying her story. She is under investigation for domestic violence charges. Why it's not attempted murder is beyond me.  So, ladies, if there is ever a trespasser in your house, first and foremost, try and cut off your husbands head. Seems like the logical thing to do. WTF?!

8 Thoughts :

Krista October 21, 2011 at 3:05 PM  

Oh my goodness! These are crazy! Massive Mocha had me laughing.... and a bit sick to my stomach.

Have a great weekend!

Shannon October 21, 2011 at 3:36 PM  

LAUGHED OUT LOUD at the Maury segment..."Maury, don't worry, I know who it is!" ::said in my best BonQuiQui voice::

Have a good weekend, girly! :)

The Presutti's October 21, 2011 at 4:29 PM  

I always love these because they are hilarious! Have a wonderful weekend!

Tory K October 21, 2011 at 7:05 PM  

Hahah, that massive mocha bit made me laugh. People can be so... odd! I hope you have a great weekend :)

Shannon October 21, 2011 at 8:55 PM  

Now that I'm stuck in the house with Taylor all day long, I've been watching lots of tv. Wow, there is so much trash tv out there. LOVE IT.

LOVE MELISSA:) October 21, 2011 at 10:27 PM  

Terrific post! Made my night:) Babies have to sleep with mittens on,lol.

marie October 22, 2011 at 11:55 AM  

Good ol' Maury, I can't believe that show is still on. It's actually kind of fun to have an excuse to lounge in front of the t.v., but then after a few hours I feel like a loser. That's what daytime television does to me.

Holly October 23, 2011 at 3:38 AM  

Ack! Massive Mocha definitely freaked me out more than a bit, but not quite as much as crazy chainsaw woman! :O