21 September 2010

Things That Freak Me Out

  1. Spiders
  2. Clowns
  3. Flying
  4. Heights
  5. Changing my last name
It's not that I don't want to take on my fiance's last name. It's not that I'm too proud, or feel it's sexist. It's all about identity to me. Sure, a piece of plastic or government paper doesn't define me. It's not the emotional, mental, or spiritual make up of my being. It doesn't change my background, interests, or personality. It can't change my beliefs, or goals, or morals. I am who I have always been, who I've always known. Through the growing, through the happiness, through the dream of one day seeing my name published on a hardcover. It's scary to let go of this piece of me by giving up my last name. I'm going to miss people butchering my name with mispronunciation. I'm going to feel in a way that I'm betraying my past. At the same time I am looking forward to a new beginning. All the mistakes, heartbreak, and let downs associated with this name are going to fade away.

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