14 July 2012

Daughter

A year ago today I went in for my fateful sonogram to reveal the gender of the baby inside me. I had been counting down the days, anxious for months to find out what I was having.

 I have never heard a parent say that they were hoping for one gender over the other. It's always the same line: "We'll be happy no matter what we have." And why shouldn't people say that? How big of a dick are you going to feel like if you say you want a boy vs. a girl and get a girl?

I'll be completely honest, I was hoping for a boy.

Most of that hope lied beneath the fact that it was my gut instinct that that was what I was carrying. To say I thought I was having a boy is an understatement. I was convinced I was having one. It wasn't just me who thought this either, everyone I knew said it was a boy.

On my appointment day the sonographer went through every body part telling us what is was. It was a complete mystery to me how anyone could make out the blobs on the screen but I didn't question it. I was so nervous waiting for her to say the sex. She went through just about everything before Matt asked, "Can you see the gender?" She sounded a bit surprised and said she didn't know if we wanted to know or not and then moved the device around until she found the right spot.

 "Looks like a girl." she said. What?! I asked if she were sure. She said yes and suddenly I was hit with a wall of emotions I didn't expect. Tears rolled down my face. I couldn't believe it. (Of course I knew the odds were 50/50 but it was incredible to know for an almost fact what the baby was.)

I imagined my life as a mother to a little girl. Beyond the cutesy pink clothes and bows, what did that mean for me? What was it going to be like having a daughter? I couldn't imagine what she'd be like. I couldn't imagine how sweet she would turn out or how beautiful she'd be.

Fast forward a year and I can't imagine things any differently. I am thrilled to have such a wonderful baby girl today. It boggles my mind to think that I ever did care what the gender of my child was going to be.

13 Thoughts :

Jazz July 14, 2012 at 12:02 PM  

Natalie looks so tiny in her crib!
Haha that's so funny that everyone thought you were having a boy, I hope they didn't buy any blue clothing! I'm shocked the majority of people don't 'prefer' a gender. I'd hate to have boys if I ever had kids. Only because I don't really like any male names. Sad.
When my mum's friend was pregnant with her third I asked if I could read her palm to see what gender she was having (yes I was a little freaky), and she said "only tell me if it says I'm having another girl" (she already had a boy and a girl), so I read her palm and it said she would have two boys and a girl, so I didn't say anything to her. So then she almost started crying because she knew I'd read it as a boy! I'm guessing that was the hormones because she was ready to pop. I didn't realise how set on a gender she was! I was just sat there in shock like "oh shit what have I done?"
It actually did turn out to be a boy so I did the biggest "YES" ever. I think that has been my biggest achievement in life because today she has two boys and a girl. I should totally be a palm reader.

Marjorie July 14, 2012 at 12:08 PM  

Wow, Natalie! Thank you for your honesty. I always wanted a girl. I was the same way as you the first time around, but for a girl. Convinced it was a girl, everyone said girl. Of course, it was a boy. Come second baby, now dying for a girl and another boy. We were praying (literally) number 3 would be a girl! :0 She was an we feel so complete as a family. My boys are such a special blessing too. I came to love little boys like I never thought I would.

I don't think there is anything wrong with having a preference or hope for a certain gender. That's normal. Of course every child no matter what the gender you will love and accept.

Melanie July 14, 2012 at 12:50 PM  

Dang happy tears! This is beautiful, my beautiful friend. Can I just say your little Natalie has the best room EVER. I may just copy it completely when I finally have my girl? Lol... totally joking. Maybe just the mural? JKN... or am I?

This is so sweet. I have always wanted a little girl, it's really no secret. BUT let me tell you having a boy is the best thing ever, it has taught & changed me so much. Hopefully Jax will have a little sibling that always wears pink, (& hopefully it will be a girl Lol)No seriously, really having a strong, happy, healthy kiddo is ALL that matters. Cheesy but so true. Happy weekend hot stuff! xo

Caiti July 14, 2012 at 4:47 PM  

Love this. I was the same way. I just felt Gemma was a girl. But I doubted that gut instinct and started to believe it was a boy. Turns out my gut was right, though. I think that, deep down, everyone has a "preference" because you imagine yourself with the baby and you sort of settle on one gender or the other. I don;t think it's bad. It's not like you love your child any less! I mean if you did...you'd have bigger problems. ;)

Stephanie Jones July 14, 2012 at 10:15 PM  

Aww this is sweet. When I have kids I absolutely want a girl first, so i'm sure i'd be the same way if it was a boy lol

Shannon July 14, 2012 at 10:29 PM  

I could have written this post. Like...exactly.

And now that we are starting to decide when #2 should come in the picture, I wouldn't care one bit if it was another girl. In fact, I'd be thrilled either way. What a silly thing to care about.

SO glad Natalie is Natalie.

Ali July 14, 2012 at 11:28 PM  

Love love love this, Sean. Had a similar reaction to the results, but it was a bit different. I will have to blog about it now and link up this one on the post. Thanks for the idea :)

Ps, I love the fierceness in which you wrote this one-- yet how simple you kept it. LOVE.

Nessa July 15, 2012 at 4:19 PM  

I wanted a girl so badly that I figured I was having a boy. Obviously I would've been thrilled either way, but having a nephew already, I wanted to buy some girl clothes and toys for a change :p

Kristin July 15, 2012 at 4:57 PM  

Very sweet. I think most people do secretly hope for or have a 'feeling' about one sex or the other. But you love your baby either way and then can't imagine having the other sex! That is what we are dealing with now. I am so used to having my girl that a boy freaks me out! I will soon have to experience it though, yikes! :)

Mama July 16, 2012 at 12:29 AM  

Well said. We didn't find out the sex of either baby... I loved the surprise!

Alli @ Brooks' Blog July 17, 2012 at 10:23 AM  

love this story! Thank you for sharing. At 20 weeks, I was still in pregnancy shock. I was still in awe that I was having a child, and didn't even think to whether or not I preferred a gender. Quickest 20 weeks ever. I don't think I will ask the gender of my next child, though. There are only so many big surprises like that in life

marie July 17, 2012 at 12:36 PM  

That's interesting that you've never heard anyone say they wanted a specific sex, I've heard it a ton. But then again I am Mormon and we have a bunch a kids so if my friend has 4 boys, she wants a girl, and vice versa. I was sure I was having a boy with both my girls, shows you how much I know.

Sara July 17, 2012 at 10:46 PM  

This is such a beautiful post. Your baby girl is gorgeous (and p.s. so is her room!) I think it is normal to 'prefer' a gender in the very beginning but of course the excitement & reality of bringing home your child is better than any early pregnancy gender guesses.